Why?
by Shinigami-cat
Summary: After waking from a coma Feli wakes to a world that isn't right. A world where everything is the same but terribly wrong. BETTER SUMMARY INSIDE! Rated M for later chapters!
1. Chapter 1

**Shinigami-cat:** LOL I'VE HAD WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR TODAY MUST WRITE A FANFICTION OF PUNCH A HOLE IN MY COMPUTER! IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I WILL GET FRANCE TO STALK YOU HA HA HA… I OWN NOTHING!

**Summary:**

**After waking up from a two month coma Feliciano wakes up in a hospital surrounded by different countries but something is wrong… Why is Lovino smiling? Why is Gilbert so quiet? Why is Kiku trying to grope people? Why is Lily all gothic? And why is everyone afraid of Feli?**

**Human and Country names used.**

**Warning: Sadness, crack, swearing and other stuff that will either make you cry or laugh your ass off.**

**Why?**

Feliciano woke up to the sound of a heart monitor. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a hospital by the look of it. He rubbed his eyes. "_Fratello_?" He said. "Where are you?" A nurse happened to be walking by and saw the Italian. She gasped and ran down the hall calling out for a doctor.

Feliciano wasn't sure what was happening until he heard a familiar voice talking to one of the doctors. "Please don't joke with me." Said Lovino. "Is he really awake? After two months he's finally awake?"

"It would seem so." Said the doctor. "Would you like to see him?"

At that Lovino burst through the door and glomped Feli and started crying. "I know you hate hugs." Said Lovino. "But let me hold you for just a bit longer."

"What are you talking about?" Asked Feliciano. He loved hugs and he was a little shocked that Lovino hadn't used the words fuck, basted or idiot yet. Lovino suddenly let go of Feli and gave him a questioning look. "What's wrong Lovi?"

Lovino suddenly went as white as a sheet. "Di- did you just call me Lovi?"

"Yes?"

"You never call never call me Lovi… Ever." Feliciano was about to say something when Lovino ran out of the room. What had he done? Did he do something wrong? In less than ten minutes Lovino came back into the room followed by Alfred, Gilbert, Matthew and Ivan.

"_Fratello._ Why are they here?" Asked Feliciano. Everyone exchanged worried looks. Feli didn't understand what was going on. "Where's Ludwig?" At that remark everyone looked absolutely petrified.

"We know your probably pissed Feliciano." Said Matthew. "But it's totally unawesome to take it out on Gill's brother like that. He still has bruises from the last time you attacked him."

Feli tilted his head in confusion. What were they talking about? He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into Ivan's purple eyes. "Are you okay Feliciano?" Feli started to tremble in terror. Since when was Ivan so nice to him?

"Are you okay?" Whispered Gilbert. He looked so nervous and out of place. Feliciano had never seen the usually confident ex nation so… unconfident and Alfred hadn't even said anything yet. He was just standing there holding onto a stuffed Hello Kitty Doll. Wait… What? This isn't right, what's going on? Why was everyone acting so strange?

Feliciano felt like he was about to cry. "What's going on?" He whimpered. "Where's Antonio? Francis? Ludwig? Grandpa Rome? Where is everyone?"

"There is definitely something wrong with Feliciano." Said Alfred at a surprisingly normal volume. "Perhaps he has some kind of brain injury. Considering he hasn't threatened to kill us, bitch slap Lovino or demand a drink."

"Ve? What are you talking about? I want to see Ludwig."

Everyone looked at each other. They all seemed nervous. "If I get Ludwig to come here," Said Ivan. "will you start to act normal again?" Feliciano nodded. Gilbert looked like he was about to cry, Matthew patted the albino on the shoulder and Alfred seemed to be interested in the heart monitor. Ivan had walked out onto the balcony and called Ludwig.

It took an hour for Ludwig to get there and Feliciano was silent all that time. The other nations were very anxious and worried about Ludwig's arrival. Eventually Ludwig walked into the room. Feliciano jumped out of bed and hugged Ludwig. Everyone in the room gasped. Ludwig pushed Feliciano away. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He looked over at Lovino. "Is this some kind of trick?"

"Ve?" Feliciano's eyes widened. What was Ludwig talking about? "It's me Ludwig Don't you remember me?"

Ludwig rolled his eyes. "It's quite obvious that you don't remember me at all or you wouldn't have done that."

"I don't understand. What is going on?"

"Do you have brain damage or something you basted?" Feliciano's whole body was trembling. Why was Ludwig being so cruel? What was going on? This wasn't right at all. Feli reached up to touch Ludwig's face but the German grabbed onto his wrist and attempted to crush it. "Don't you try and fucking touch me again you son of a whore." Feliciano cried out in shock and pain. "Now because you were in a coma for two months I'm not going to kick your ass but as soon as you are out of here, I'm going to throw you in front of the nearest train got it?"

"_Bruder._" Whispered Gilbert. "Let's go home please."

Ludwig dropped Feliciano and walked out the door closely followed by Gilbert. Feliciano was cradling his badly bruised wrist as he fell to the floor. Tears were streaming down his face. "Why would he do that?" He whispered. "Why would my best friend do that?"

Lovino looked at his brother with concern. "_Fratello…_ are you okay? You seem to be a little confused."

"He's more than a little confused." Said Matthew. "He's stark raving bonkers. Why the hell would he think his biggest enemy is his BFF?"

"Ludwig is my enemy?" Asked Feliciano. "No, this isn't right. He's my best friend. Why is everything so messed up?" Lovino hesitated but bent down to try and comfort his brother. Feliciano just looked up and grabbed Lovino's arms. "You." He growled. "Swear. Scream. Insult me. Call me an idiot. Hit me."

"What? Brother what are you talking about?" Trembled Lovino.

"Just do it please." Begged Feliciano. "I need to know if this is a dream. This has to be a dream. TELL ME I'M STILL DREAMING!"

"WE NEED A NURSE IN HERE!" Called Matthew. Almost immediately two male nurses came in and pulled Feliciano away from Lovino. They injected him with a drug and Feliciano drifted off to sleep.

_Why is this happening? What is going on? Am I dead? This isn't real_

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Shinigami-cat: **Random thing just happened! My pet lizard Alexis is sitting on my shoulder while I'm typing this and every time I make a spelling mistake she tilts her head in confusion =3 Oh I'm so sorry for the late update. I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

Feliciano had been released from the hospital for three days now. During that time he had locked himself in his room trying to understand his situation. "I was in an accident, then I woke up and everything is wrong. Everyone is different, personality wise and… Ludwig hates me for some reason."

Lovino slowly opened the door and looked inside. "Um… Feliciano?" He said. "Um Ivan is here to see you." Feliciano shook his head. "Please _fratello_? He really misses you."

"Why would he miss me?" Asked Feli. "We hardly even speak. Besides he is so scary."

Lovino laughed nervously. "You joking right Feliciano? Ivan is the nicest person in the world, so happy and smiling." Feliciano shook his head. Of course Ivan was different. Everyone was…

"Okay." Said Feliciano. Lovino smiled and ushered Feliciano into the living room where Ivan was sitting down with Matthew.

"Totally awesome to see you again." Said Matthew. "Are you still nuts?"

"Matthew." Said Ivan. "Please don't be mean to Feli. He still needs to recover." Feliciano sighed and sat in an arm chair across from everyone. He wasn't used to a Matthew with Gilbert's personality. "Are you okay Feli?" Asked Ivan. "You seem a bit distressed."

"I am distressed." Whined Feliciano. "Everything is different. No one is the same! I just want everything to be like it was before!"

"Well why don't you tell us what it was like before." Said Matthew. "That way I can use my awesomeness to help you out."

Feliciano sighed and he told them everything. He told them about being raised by Austria and Hungary, about Holy Roman Empire, WWI, WWII, World meetings, his family and everything in between. By the time he was done everyone was speechless. Ivan was the first to speak or cry if you would.

"Feli." He sobbed. "How could you forget about me like that? How could you think I was a monster?" Ivan rubbed his eyes dry on his scarf. "I raised you for the first few centuries of your life and you forget about me?"

"Stuff that." Said Matthew. "What about these world wars? There's no way in hell that could even be possible. Why would that even happen?"

"Ve, I kept asking that myself." Said Feliciano. "The wars were terrible."

Ivan frowned. "It's strange isn't it?" Matthew and Lovino nodded in agreement.

"Ve? What's strange?"

"You used to be so pro war and hell bent on destroying Germany." Said Ivan sadly. The news hit Feli hard. Was that the reason Ludwig hated him so much? It had to be. But Francis and Arthur were always at each-other's throats and threatening to start wars with each-other but never did.

"Maybe we should show him the DVD?" Suggested Matthew.

"That's a wonderful idea." Said Lovino. "If we show him the DVD he might remember something important." Lovino ran over to a drawer and got out a DVD marked Xmas party. He quickly put it the DVD player and sat down.

Matthew face appeared. "So this is the annual Xmas party and this year we are at Arthur's house and seriously this guy needs to relax." Suddenly Arthur appeared on the screen with a blank expression on his face. "Arthur it's a party try to have fun, let lose go nuts."

Arthur shook his head. "I do not wish to have a repeat of last year Matthew."

"Come on man that party was totally kick ass awesome. Plus it wasn't your house that got trashed it was Ivan's. I heard he still hasn't replaced all the windows on the third floor yet."

"Is it so wrong of me to not want the same thing to happen to my home?" Asked Arthur. Matthew turned the camera around so he was looking into it.

"So that was up tight Arthur. Next up we'll go find Gilbert. Wonder who else we'll meet along the way?" Soon Matthew was moving gown a hall pointing out different people and giving them strange titles. "Over there its Francis lord of the dark magic." Francis was reading a book with strange writing on the cover. "Holy crap it's Tino the evil move away slowly." Tino was standing with some people who looked absolutely terrified of him. A dark presence seemed to liger around the Nordic nation.

Suddenly Matthew let out a squeak and turned around and was face to face with Kiku. "Oh hi Kiku." Said Matthew.

"So you're in charge of making the DVD this year I take it?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"The awesome me should always be in charge of this. I make everything awesome." Kiku laughed.

"You know Matthew." Said Kiku. "I've actually been wanting to talk to you for a while now, so if you could just turn of your camera?"

"No way Kiku." Said Matthew. "I don't want to get raped today. See you later." Matthew quickly turned and bolted down the hall chanting. "Pervert's gonna rape me."

Eventually he found Gilbert. "Gilbert how's it going?"

Gilbert sighed. "I'm a little worried."

"About what? Worried Kiku's gonna rape you?"

Gilbert shook his head. "I'm worried about Ludwig. He and Feliciano have been drinking a lot and I'm worried Feliciano will push him out a window… again."

"Go to hell." Growled a German voice off camera. Matthew immediately turned the camera towards Ludwig and Feliciano. It looked like they were about to get into a fight.

"Shut the fuck up you German prick." Hissed Feliciano.

"What was that?" Asked Ludwig. "Care to say that again?"

Feliciano laughed as he stood in front of Ludwig. "You heard me. You dog fucking, beer drinking, cock sucker." He shoved Ludwig backwards.

"Don't touch me pasta fucker." He growled as he pushed Feliciano.

"You want to get your ass served to you again Germany?" Asked Feliciano. He pushed Ludwig again.

"Go on then." Said Ludwig. "If it's a fight you want then you got one. Go on come at me."

Feliciano laughed. "Fine if that's what you want, but I don't think it's going to taste nice." Ludwig tackled Feliciano to the ground and a scuffle broke out.

There was lots of shouting and swearing. Eventually it was broken up by Ivan and Roderich. "It's fine." Said Ludwig. "I just over reacted." Ivan released Feliciano and Roderich released Ludwig. No sooner had they done that did Ludwig crash tackle Feliciano out the window.

Matthew turned the camera back to himself and sighed. "And that was Feliciano and Ludwig's annual X mas fight. Now where is Lily? She told me she had some awesome new gun."

Lovino stopped the DVD and took it out. "Do you remember now _fratello_?"

Feliciano was on the verge of tears. He didn't know what to think. How could he say those things to Ludwig? How could Ludwig say those things to him? How could they fight like that? It didn't make sense.

"I don't understand." Said Feli. "Why is this happening? I would never do anything like that… Not to Ludwig, not to anyone."

Matthew shrugged. "Well we tried. He's still bonkers. What is going to happen at the world meeting tomorrow?"

Lovino gasped. "I completely forgot about that. Do you think you're up for it Feliciano?"

Feliciano smiled weakly. "I'll be fine Lovi." He said.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Sorry it took so long to update. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shinigami-cat:** So I've caught a cold… This totally sucks because I'm taking music as an elective and my instrument I my voice. Worst still I'm an alto soprano (I can sing low notes and high notes) but because I'm sick it really hurts. Anyway enough complaining please read… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

It was the day of the world meeting. Today it was being held in Spain. Feliciano was happy about seeing Antonio again and all the other nations. But at the same time he was terrified. "Are you sure you're okay Feliciano?" Asked Lovino. "We can go back to the hotel if you don't feel up to it."

"No I'm fine. Oh look its Ivan." Ivan waved at the Italian brothers and walked over to them.

"It's good to see you made it Feli." He said. "Now Lovi take good care of him, da. Eek" Someone had grabbed Ivan's chest.

"Got you big brother." Said Natalia. "I clam your chest in the name of Belarus." Ivan smiled and patted her on the head. Feliciano just sighed. Natalia was now acting like Im Yong Soo… Fan-fucking-tastic. Natalia relinquished her hold on Ivan and looked over at Feliciano. "Feeling any better?"

"I guess." Sighed Feliciano. "Should we get going?" Lovino nodded and pulled Feli towards the conference room. Inside could only be described as chaos.

"Stop molesting me aru!" Yelled Yao. "Hero's don't get molested."

"I was just expressing myself _Ai._" Said Kiku.

"Maybe I should put a curse on you." Growled Francis. "Then you would stop feeling people up!"

"Please calm down everyone." Said Gilbert. "Fighting won't solve anything."

"Who are you?" Asked Yao.

"I'm Prussia! You know East Germany? I used to be a great nation."

"I still remember you Gill." Said Matthew. "Holy crap he actually came." Everyone looked over at the four people now entering the conference room and fell silent.

The first one to break the silence was Lily the personification of Lichtenstein. She was decked out in complete gothic attire. "So are we going to start this meeting or what?"

The meeting started of slowly but quickly went out of control. "And that is why you should all become one Finland." Said Tino. But by now no one was paying attention. Kiku was attempting to grope any county that was unlucky enough to be sitting next to him. Sadiq and Hercules seemed to be getting along really well, but the only weird thing was that Sadiq seemed to be saying 'totally' and 'like' a lot.

"Stop being such a cry baby Vash." Barked Lily.

"I'm sorry Lily."

"Go away Kiku"

"But I know you love it Yao."

"I clam Antonio's chest in the name of Belarus."

"I summon the devil."

"Did you need something Francis?"

"Go away Tino."

"Is anyone listening to me?"

"Who are you?"

"PRUSSIA!"

"Who?"

"My awesomeness will own your ass brother."

"No give me back Hello Kitty."

Everyone was shouting and yelling. It was making Feliciano sick. Literally, he could feel acid creeping up his throat. He grabbed his stomach and bent over. He was doing his best to keep everything down.

"Are you okay Feliciano?" Asked Lovino. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine… I just need some air." Feliciano stood up and everyone went silent. They all muttered small apologies. Feliciano just looked at everyone in shock. Was he really that intimidating. He opened his mouth to say something but instead acid began to flood into his mouth. He quickly swallowed and ran out of the room. He couldn't keep it down for long.

After about ten minutes Feliciano had emptied his stomach. He flushed and went over to a basin. He looked terrible; his skin was almost paper white, his eyes were red, his hair was everywhere and there was still a little vomit dripping out the side of his mouth. He rinsed his mouth out and splashed water on his face.

He sighed and walked out. He needed to find a window or something. It wasn't that hard to find. He just found one that was already opened and stuck his head out it. He gulped in the fresh air and sighed. Nothing was the same was it? Would it ever be that same? Or was everything he thought was real a dream?

"Rough day?"

Feliciano turned around to face Ludwig. "Oh Ludwig it' so good to, oh." That's right in this world Ludwig and Feliciano are enemies. "Did you come to take me back to the meeting?"

Ludwig shook his head. "When you ran out Ivan called a half hour brake." He gave Feliciano a suspicious look. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

Feliciano smiled. "Oh okay what do you want to talk about?" Ludwig grabbed the front of Feliciano's shirt and pushed him backwards out the window. But Feliciano grabbed onto the window frame. "What are you doing?" He cried. "Stop!" Ludwig just pushed Feli further out the window (did I mention that they were on the third floor?). Tears began to fall out of the corners of his eyes. Suddenly Ludwig pulled him back inside.

Feliciano looked up at Ludwig with terrified eyes. Ludwig just frowned at him. "What was that Ludwig?" He sobbed. "Why would you do that?"

"Just testing." Said Ludwig.

"Testing what? You just tried to kill me."

Ludwig flashed Feliciano a strange look and walked down the hall. "I couldn't kill you even if I wanted to."

"Ve? Ludwig what are you talking about?"

Ludwig was standing at the end hall he turned around and practically screamed at him. "If you don't fucking remember why I won't kill you then you can just go get hit by another train." He turned a corner and left Feliciano there. Alone and confused.

_I was hit by a train? Why don't I remember that? And why did Ludwig try to kill me but say he couldn't kill me?_

_**It's because you're both insane.**_

_What? The voice again? _

Whenever Feliciano got stressed or had to think things over really hard he heard a voice in his head. It wasn't a bad voice that made him do crazy things. It just randomly spoke and gave him advice. Like a friend. (AN: yes this makes 0 sense. Just go with it.)

_What do you want?_

_**Don't you think it's true though? Think about it. Everything you thought was real was a lie and Ludwig just tried to kill you.**_

_I guess so… But what am I going to do now?_

… _**Hit the books? After all knowledge is power. Read up find out about the world's history.**_

_Good idea._

Feliciano walked out of the building and went to find the closest library. He was amazed at what he found. This world's history was surprisingly less violent then what it was in his world. No world wars, no Cold war, no major wars for the past three centuries. The only major one was one where Italy and Germany were allies against France who had invaded Germany.

"But shouldn't we be friends?" Asked Feli. "We fought alongside each other. Oh maybe that's why he won't kill me." Feliciano frowned at that thought. He didn't want Ludwig to be nice to him just because of that. But then again He and Ludwig had tried to kill each other on many occasions apparently.

"Ve, everything is so confusing." He sighed. "Why does everything have to be weird?" Feliciano got up and went back to the meeting. If he was lucky he might miss the whole thing. When he got there he could hear shouting coming from inside.

"But Feliciano could be anywhere."

"Please calm down Lovi."

"I can't calm down Ivan! He could be anywhere! He could jump again! Or worse this time!"

"I don't want that to happen to him either."

Feliciano cautiously opened the door only to get knocked over by Lovino. Tears were falling down Lovino's face. "Feliciano." He cried as he hugged his brother. "I thought you ran away or jumped again or did something really bad."

"Ve? What's this about jumping? You mean I really did jump in front of a train? I just went to the library."

"Just a library. I'm so happy." Cried Lovino. Slowly they got up and everyone in the room was quietly talking amongst themselves. They were giving Feliciano and Lovino strange looks. "We should go back to the hotel okay Feliciano?"

"Okay Lovi let's go." Before they left the room he looked back and happened to see Ludwig. He was giving him a strange look; sad, depressed and confused all at the same time. What was going on?

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Question marks are beginning to be raised aren't they? I'll try to update soon. And I know that Lily might not be her real name, just go with me on this one. REVIWES KEEP ME ALIVE! Just saying =3


	4. Chapter 4

**Shinigami-cat: **Hetalia Axis Powers… It's when you start to see a world map as a social gathering rather than a map… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

Feliciano was standing on the balcony of his hotel room. The sun was slowly setting on the Spanish city. It was no longer called the country of passion, it was known as the country fire. A dangerous place. Or at least unpleasant, like how Ivan's house used to be. Feli's mind wandered to his near death experience with Ludwig.

"_If you don't fucking remember why I won't kill you then you can just go get hit by another train."_

What was with that anyway? Lovino suddenly walked through the door the door and sat down on the bed. "Are you okay Feliciano?" He asked. Feli looked over at his brother and sighed.

"Why don't you call me Feli?" He asked.

Lovino nervously tugged at the bed sheets. "Because the last time I called you that you beat me unconscious." He said bluntly. "But it's okay I was only hospitalised for a month. So don't worry about it."

Feli's jaw dropped. "A month? How could I… over something so small."

"It's okay Feliciano." Said Lovino. "If you want me to I'll call you Feli from now on, just please don't cry." Feliciano blinked back his tears and joined his brother on the bed.

"Why dose Ludwig hate me?" He asked.

Lovino thought for a moment. "Well you two have never really liked each other, but I guess you guys really started to hate each other a little after the French invasion about three centuries ago." Feliciano sighed. He had read up about it at the library.

"But why do we hate each other?"

Lovino shrugged. "Sorry Feli. The north and south have only been united for two centuries. Maybe Kiku knows something."

So that was how Lovino and Feliciano ended up drinking Saki at Kiku's house one week after the world conference. "So you wish to know more about you and Ludwig?" Kiku asked as he passed the Italian brothers a cup of Saki. Feliciano nodded. Kiku raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? It gets pretty dark."

"I want to know everything." Said Feliciano. Kiku nodded and walked out of the room. Soon he came back with a large book and passed it to Feli.

"This is everything I know about the French invasion. It also contains some other stuff like what happened a few months prior to you being comatose." Feliciano flicked through the book and sighed. There was nothing he hadn't already known. France invaded Germany, Italy helped Germany, France got driven back and then Germany and Italy became enemies.

"What happened before the accident?" Asked Lovino.

Kiku sighed and took a sip of his drink. "Feliciano managed to drug Ludwig and all I know is that Ludwig ended up in a Tokyo hospital with stitches going from his collar bone down to just above his belly button. Ludwig refused to talk about it though. Do you remember what you did to him?" Feliciano shook his head. Just the thought of what he might have done to Ludwig made him feel ill. "You know." Said Kiku. "If you are still having trouble with your memories you should try to do things that you used to enjoy. Take good care of him Lovino."

Lovino nodded and a goofy grin spread across his face. "We can go talk to Lily about doing something like that." And that is how Feliciano and Lovino ended up at Lily's indoor shooting gallery.

She had just finished cleaning one of her many snipers and turned to Feliciano and Lovino. "So you want me and Feliciano to shoot clay pigeons so he can get his memory back?"

Lovino nodded his head. "That's the plan. Have fun Feli." Lovino waved goodbye too Feli and walked out the door. Leaving Feliciano alone with a very scary looking little girl decked out in a dark Gothic Lolita dress with a sniper strapped to her back.

Feliciano smiled nervously at her while she went over to her gun storage closet and took out several rounds and another sniper. "So let's get going Feliciano we're going rabbit hunting."

"I thought we were going to shoot clay pigeons?"

Lily laughed. "Clay pigeons is code for hunting. You came up with that remember, oh right you probably don't." She patted him sympathetically on the shoulder and frowned. "Must suck balls hu?"

After one quick walk into the woods Lily went to work quickly shooting six rabbits in less than ten minutes. Feliciano on the other hand was sitting with his back pressed against a tree with his fingers in his ears. He hated the sound of gunfire. Soon there was silence and Feli could breathe a sigh of relief.

"What the hell is with you Feli?" Asked Lily. "You would have run out of bullets by now."

"I hate guns." He said sheepishly. Lily sighed and sat next to him.

"You really are different you know?" She muttered. Feliciano just smiled. He knew he was different because he didn't belong here. Lily nudged Feliciano playfully and smiled back at him. "Do you want me to tell you what you did on these hunting trips that I thought was unusual?"

Feliciano shrugged. "May as well."

Lily cracked her knuckles. "Well you used to stalk what you were hunting and stab it instead of using a gun."

"Why would I do that?

"Beats me. You just said it was practice. Oh you used to grab rabbits and cut them from their collar bone down to their hips. But you stopped doing that after I said that animal well fair might want to talk to you."

Feliciano frowned. Practice for what? Why would he practice killing animals with a knife? No he had to remind himself that it wasn't him. He wasn't a monster that killed things. But why did that description about the rabbit's sound familiar?

"_Ludwig ended up in a Tokyo hospital with stitches going from his collar bone down to just above his belly button."_

Feliciano let out a gasp. Kiku had said he had done something similar to Ludwig. Was that what he was practicing for? The thought made him feel like he was going to be sick again. Maybe he should speak to Ludwig about it? But he might just get tossed out a window for real this time. What else was he going to do?

Feliciano and Lovino had gone over to Francis's house to talk to him. Well Lovino wanted to talk to him and Feliciano came so he could sneak over to Ludwig's house un-noticed. "So that's why Feli is here Francis." Said Lovino.

Francis sipped his tea and looked at the Italians with a frown on his face. "You really want me to do that to him?" He asked. Lovino nodded happily. Francis shrugged. "Fine, but I can't guaranty that it will work."

He put down his tea and walked over to his book shelf. Feliciano couldn't help but look worried. From what he gathered Francis was now like Arthur and could use magic and if his magic is anything like Arthur's things are going to end badly. Eventually Francis came back with a large leather bound book and began to flip through it.

"Here it is." He said. "A memory spell. This should get your memory back Feliciano." Francis cracked his knuckles and began to say a chant in Latin. After about a minute of this he stopped. "Anything?" Feliciano shook his head. Nope that did nothing. Well not to him anyway but Lovino was asleep. Francis scratched his head and sighed. "Sorry about that. I guess it went a little wrong. Feel free to walk around while I take him to a guest room."

Feliciano smiled and walked outside. Now was his chance to go see Ludwig. When he was sure that Francis couldn't see him he ran down the road and into Germany. He quickly found Ludwig's house and walked up to the front door.

He was about to open it but stopped. Was it really a good idea to do this? Well he had to find out why Ludwig hayed him so much right? But would he like that answer? Feliciano took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Slowly the door opened and Feliciano was face to face with Gilbert.

"What are you doing here?" Panicked Gilbert. "Don't you know Ludwig is here? You have to leave now before he finds you."

Feliciano shook his head. "No I want to see him."

"Please Feliciano." Pleaded Gilbert. "Ludwig is in a really bad mood today. I don't want something bad to happen to either of you. Please just get out of here before-"

"Who is it Gilbert?" Asked Ludwig as he walked towards the door. "Oh what the hell are you doing here?"

"He just wanted to ask me something West." Said Gilbert. "And now he's leaving so go back to your paper work."

Ludwig glared at Gilbert. "Don't lie to me Gilbert. I know he came to see me."

Gilbert looked at Feliciano. His eyes were pleading with Feliciano to leave, but Feli being Feli couldn't read the atmosphere and said. "That's right I came to see Ludwig."

Ludwig pushed Gilbert out the door and pulled Feliciano inside. "Go to Matthew's house Gilbert. I'll call you when you can come back." Before Gilbert could protest Ludwig slammed the door in his face. Feliciano gulped. Maybe it was a bad idea. Perhaps he should come back with Lovino or someone later.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **… I have something to admit right now… I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY LUDWIG & FELICIANO ARE ENEMYS! If you have any ideas please tell me… I kind of have a vag idea but it seems a little crappy… PLEASE REVIEW! AND DON'T KIL ME!


	5. Chapter 5

**Shinigami-cat: **SWEETNESS my cold is gone and I feel fine =D… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

Feliciano sat nervously on Ludwig's couch. He was having second thoughts about seeing Ludwig alone. Hell he didn't even know what to ask him. "Are you just going to sit there or are we going to talk?" Asked Ludwig.

Feliciano nodded. "I… I want to know why you hate me. Why we hate each other."

Ludwig sighed and leaned against the wall. "It's complicated. Very complicated."

"But I want to know." Feliciano said. "I want to know more than anything. More than why people are afraid of me."

Ludwig frowned. "Fine if you really want to know back during the French invasion you left me for dead twice."

Feliciano jumped up. "What? I did what?"

Ludwig nodded. "You said I was dead weight and should just take death like a man."

Feliciano began to tear up. "I'm so sorry Ludwig." He said. "I'm so sorry." He leaped forward and hugged Ludwig. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Ludwig just stood there looking down at Feliciano with wide eyes, too shocked to do anything. After a few moments Ludwig snapped out of his shocked state and pushed Feli back. "Get the fuck out." He growled.

"Ve? Ludwig?"

"You heard me you asshole." He snapped. "Get the fuck out of my house before I throw you out on your ass."

"But Ludwig I-"

Ludwig cut him off mid-sentence by throwing a vase at him, which narrowly missed his head. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Feliciano yelped and ran for the door as fast as he could. Ludwig watched the frightened Italian running away from the lounge room window.

He sighed and sat down on the couch. It wasn't Feliciano's fault he couldn't remember how they used to be. How they acted and why they acted the way they did. He knew he shouldn't have yelled at him or thrown a vase at him. He just thought that if he did that it would spark some kind of memory.

* * *

><p>"<em>This is so bloody boring." Growled Feliciano. He was leaning against the side of the trench and playing with his pocket knife. Ludwig was sitting next to him checking that his gun was still working. "When the hell are the frog's going to get here?"<em>

_Ludwig shrugged. "I don't know and I don't care." Feliciano crouched down so he was eye level with Ludwig. A wicked smile on his face._

"_So your Germany right?" His voice full of forced enthusiasm._

"_Ja, and you are Italy?" Feliciano nodded and held his knife up in front of Ludwig's face._

"_I wonder if it's possible for a nation to bleed out." He said. "Do you want to find out?" Ludwig rolled his eyes._

"_Right you bleed me dry and then what happens to my country?"_

"_I'll give it to Francis." Said Feliciano. "He seriously needs something better to do then read those stupid magic books of his."_

_Ludwig pressed the end of his gun against Feliciano's forehead. "Just try and I'll blow your brains out."_

_A cocky smirk stretched over the Italian's face. "Right kill me and let my fuck wit of a brother take over everything? Besides I'd rather blow your brains out." Ludwig looked at Feliciano with board eyes. He was tired of the Italian's bad mood, empty threats and homicidal behaviour. It was getting really old, really fast. An explosion made Feliciano jump to his feet._

"_Heads up." He said cheerfully. "The frogs are here." Soon the air was filled with the sound of gunfire, explosions and screams for the wounded and dying. Feliciano pressed his back against the side of the trench while re-loading his gun. Feliciano looked up just in time to see a French troop jump into the trench. "There in the trench." He called. He took aim and shot the man in between the eyes, but soon more showed up making Feliciano sigh. "Can't they at least give me ten seconds to re-load?"_

_Ludwig took aim and shot down two that tried to charge at them. "We need to fall back Italy." He said. "It's not safe anymore." The Italian just laughed at him._

"_You fall back, I'm just getting started."_

"_You're going to run out of ammo soon."_

"_Who needs guns to fight?" He asked. Feliciano suddenly charged at the approaching troops and swung his gun like a baseball bat. He hit one man in the head so hard that his face splattered the trench wall. Ludwig just stood there in stunned silence as Feliciano continued to attack and successfully kill the enemy without even breaking a sweat._

_Once they were all dead Feliciano walked back to Ludwig with a huge smile on his blood splattered face. "Now that was fun."_

"_You're sadistic." Said Ludwig._

_Feliciano shrugged. "And I care what you say why? Besides I already know I'm extremely sadistic. You on the other hand are a dick." _

"_What the hell? Where did that come from?" Asked Ludwig, but Feliciano wasn't listening to him anymore he seemed to be more interested in something behind Ludwig. Suddenly Feliciano pulled Ludwig onto the ground. Ludwig gasped in shock. He looked up to see Feliciano sitting on top of his chest, with Ludwig's gun in his hand. "What are you doing?"_

_Feliciano smiled sweetly at him before looking back up and shooting several rounds. Ludwig could hear screams of people as they got shot. When everything was quiet Feliciano put the gun on the ground and huffed. "Son of bitch. Who did they think they were trying to kill you? Only I can kill you damn it."_

"_When did you decide you could kill me?" Asked Ludwig._

"_Ever since I asked if you were Germany." Said Feliciano with a slight blush on his face. Ludwig just looked up at him in shock. The way he had said it almost sounded like he just confessed his love to him. Feliciano jumped of Ludwig and helped him to his feet._

_Ludwig gasped in pain and grabbed his side. Blood was oozing out of it. Ludwig looked back to where he was laying and almost swore. During the fight he dropped one of his knifes and had grazed himself on it when Feliciano pushed him to the ground._

"_Germany's bleeding a lot." Said Feliciano in a sing song kind of way. "Let me see." He quickly moved over to Ludwig's side. He moved his face close to the wound, too close._

"_Italy what are you Ah-" He gaped in pain. Feliciano had stuck his tongue into the cut and began to lick away the blood. Before Ludwig could hit him Feliciano pulled away._

"_You taste really good Germany." He said, with an innocent look on his face. "Besides you liked it too." Feliciano pointed to the slight bulge in Ludwig's pants. "I had no idea you were a masochist."_

_Ludwig blushed deeply. "I'm not."_

_Feliciano rolled his eyes. "So you're telling me that you got hard by accident?" Before Ludwig could say anything Feliciano started to walk away into the maze of trenches. "When you realize what you are, give me a call and we'll talk. Hell if you're a good boy I might cut you up a little." He had said something else but Ludwig couldn't hear it over the sound of a shell exploding close by. Ludwig took this as his cue to leave._

Feliciano was curled up on Francis's lounge crying his eyes out. He didn't know why he had made Ludwig so angry. He said he was sorry for leaving him to die all those years ago (even though he had no memory of it at all). Francis sat next to him and patted him on the head. "Why would you do that Feliciano?" He asked. "You know you two hate each other."

* * *

><p>"I… I just wanted to know what I did." He sobbed. "And when he told me I apologized and he threw a vase at my head and screamed at me. Am I really that terrible?" Francis sighed and pulled him into a hug.<p>

"Feliciano, you aren't a terrible person, I mean you used to be but you aren't anymore. You've changed. Ludwig just needs time to realize that you won't try to stab him to death anymore." Feliciano looked up at Francis, blinked a couple of times before crying even louder than before.

"I'm a horrible person!" He cried out. "I hate this I apologised to him and he still hates me. I just want all this hate to stop." Francis frowned. He wasn't used to an emotional Feliciano (unless that emotion was pure rage). He continued to hold Feliciano until he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Gilbert cautiously entered the house. He had waited for about an hour before he had decided it was safe to return. "West?" He called. "Are you home?"<p>

"In the lounge room Gilbert." Called Ludwig.

Gilbert cautiously entered the room and was surprised to see Ludwig sweeping up shards of broken glass. "Is that the vase Matthew gave me?" He asked.

"Sorry about that." Said Ludwig. "I'll glue it back together later."

Gilbert sighed. He really liked that vase, but in retrospect he probably should have kept it in his room away from his easily pissed off brother. "So what happened?"

Ludwig put the pieces on the table and sighed. "I threw it at Italy."

"What?" Asked Gilbert. "Why? He couldn't have done anything really bad right? He can't even remember what he used to do to you… and he feels really bad about not remembering too."

"Don't you think I know that?" Barked Ludwig. "I just want things to get back to normal. I hate seeing Italy act like Romano, so stupid and airheaded all the time." Gilbert slowly walked out the door while Ludwig continued to rant about Feliciano. He would have to stay at Matthew's house until Ludwig calmed down.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **When life give's you lemons you make lemonade and trade said glasses of lemonade for reviews… Get the hint?


	6. Chapter 6

**Shinigami-cat: **I hate those stupid lines you can use when you edit chapters. They are annoying and make me want to punch someone. That is probably because I can't use it at all… I OWN NOTHING

**Why?**

Feliciano was back at home. He refused to see anyone that came to visit him. He didn't even want to see his brother. "I wish I was dead." He muttered to himself. And the way he was treating himself he soon would be; he hadn't eaten in days and basically slept all day. At the moment he was laying in his bed with the covers pulled over his head.

"_Fratello?_" Called Lovino as he opened the door. Feliciano pulled the covers further over his head. "It's been a month. You should get over what happened and cheer up. Go shoot a rabbit or something."

Lovino's supposedly kind words cut through Feliciano like a knife. Did Lovino realise how much he was hurting him. "Please go away Lovi." Mumbled Feliciano. "I just want to be alone."

"Oh… Okay. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going over to Alfred's house for a few days… Will you be okay?"

"Yes Lovi." Said Feliciano. "I'll be fine." He heard Lovino sigh and close the door. When he was sure that Lovino was gone Feliciano got up and walked to the bathroom to have a shower.

When he got to the bathroom he looked in the mirror and sighed. He had lost a lot of weight. He looked like one of those super anorexic models that refused to eat because they wanted to stay thin. He ran his fingers over his now visible ribcage. It tickled a little. He could see his collar bone clearly and felt ill when he saw it move up and down as he breathed. Could Ludwig's outburst have made him feel so bad about himself?

He tore his eyes away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. He started by turning it onto a nice warm kind of temperature and let it wash over him. To his surprise it soon seemed way to hot, so he turned the hot water down. But again once he adjusted to the temperature it got unbearably hot. So he continued to turn the hot water down until it was having a freezing cold shower.

It felt really good against his skin, so calming, so relaxing. He involuntarily ran his hand over his rib cage jerking him back to reality. He was terrible, disgusting, filthy, repulsive, disturbing, nasty and all those other loathsome things. Everyone knew it; every country, every history text book, everyone… He turned off the water and dried himself off before going back to bed.

He hated himself, but he knew it wasn't really him it couldn't have been. He was too nice and he had all those happy memories of everyone. Sure he had some about wars but that's what made the happy memories even better. He lied back down on the bed and closed his eyes.

_I wonder how I might stop waking up?_

_**That would be selfish.**_

_How would it? I'd be doing everyone a favour. They all hate me._

_**Lovino loves you.**_

_I know he dose… But Ludwig hates me._

_**Are you really going to throw your life away because of him?**_

_Yes… I mean no… I… I don't know. It's so complicated._

_**It would be selfish to kill yourself.**_

_Why? Give me one good reason not to end my misery?_

_**What would happen to your people?**_

_Fratello can look after them. It's no big deal. Countries disappear all the time._

_**Don't kill yourself.**_

_Why not? You gave me no good reason to stay alive. Don't you know how I feel? I feel like I'm dying slowly, dying while I wait to die. I don't want to be here anymore. Is that why I supposedly jumped in the first place? _

_**Are you really that weak?**_

_What?_

_**Are you that weak and cowardly that you would throw your own life away because it's gotten too hard? If so then fine go ahead and kill yourself. But what would Ludwig think?**_

_He doesn't care about me._

_**Not this one. The one from your memories. The one that helped you when you asked. The one that comforted you when you were scared. The one that defended you when you needed help. Don't you think he would suffer if you died?**_

… _But he isn't real._

_**When did you decide that?**_

_When I started contemplating suicide._

_**Don't kill yourself.**_

Feliciano opened his eyes and sat up. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted it all to stop hurting. He sat on the edge of his bed and fumbled through the drawers on his bed side table. Finally he found what he was looking for. His pistol. He pressed the barrel to his head and pulled the trigger.

_Click_

Feliciano frowned. He checked the gun only to find it had no bullets. He laughed at his mistake and picked up some bullets. He hummed to himself as he loaded them into the gun. He was too preoccupied with his activity to hear the front door open… Or the sound of someone walking up the stairs… Towards his room. Finally the gun was loaded. Feliciano lifted it to his head and took a deep breath.

"On three." He said. "One." He pressed the barrel against his temple. "Two." He cocked the gun. "Three." He pulled the trigger.

_BANG_

Feliciano was in a daze. He wasn't dead. Far from it. The gun hot was still ringing in his ears when he suddenly realized how heavy his hips were and wrists were. What he saw when he looked up almost made him scream in shock. Ludwig was straddling him, holding his wrists out to the side. "Ludwig? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again. Ever." Although his words were harsh, there was definitely concern behind it. Feliciano just looked up in shock. Didn't Ludwig hate him? Wouldn't he be happy if he died? It didn't make sense.

Ludwig looked over the upper half of Feliciano in pure horror. "What have you been doing to yourself?" He asked.

Feliciano squeaked. "Nothing. I haven't done anything."

"Don't lie to me." Said Ludwig. "When was the last time you've had anything to eat? No don't tell me. I'll be back in a minute." Ludwig got off Feliciano and walked out of the room. Feliciano was in too mush shock to do anything. He just stayed there looking at the door until Ludwig came back with a bowel of pasta.

"Ve? How did you cook it so fast?"

"It was in the fridge." He said. Ludwig put the food on the floor before propping Feliciano against the head board. He then picked up the food and twirled it around a fork before offering it to Feliciano. He just looked at the food then at Ludwig. He wasn't sure what to do. "It's not poisoned." Said Ludwig. "We gave up trying to give each other food poisoning two centuries ago."

Feliciano wasn't sure what to say to that so he just ate the food Ludwig offered him. After he swallowed he looked up at Ludwig. He was more confused than ever. "Why are you doing this?"

"I should be asking you why you just tried to kill yourself again."

Feliciano began to cry. "I tried to kill myself because I'm disgusting, filthy, repulsive, disturbing, nasty and horrible. It would be better if I just died so everyone would be happy." Feliciano rubbed his eyes to try and stop the flow of tears but it didn't work. Ludwig pulled him into a hug. 

"No you're not. You're amazing, pure, enchanting, composed, magnificent and desirable." Feliciano stopped crying and looked up at Ludwig. He wasn't lying to him. He was being honest. "The world would be a dark place without you on it. Don't let anyone tell you anything else and if they do tell me and I'll make sure they never say anything bad about you again."

It was official. Feliciano was completely and utterly confused. One minute Germany was; threatening him, pushing him out a window and throwing a vase at him and then he was feeding him, holding him and comforting him? This didn't make any sense at all.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" Asked Feliciano. "I thought you hated me. I thought you wanted to kill me."

"How could I hate you?" Asked Ludwig. "And I thought I told you that I could never kill you. Not now. Not then. Not ever."

This was all starting to make his head hurt so badly. "I still don't get it." Said Feliciano. "This is so confusing." Ludwig rubbed Feliciano's back comfortingly.

"I know it is confusing." He said. "But if you have time I can try to explain."

"Okay." Said Feliciano. "But first I want to eat. I haven't had anything in days." Ludwig smiled and continued to feed Feliciano pasta.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **…O_O… Confusion overload. Please review…


	7. Chapter 7

**Shinigami-cat: **Time to answer all those hard questions. This is just going to be a flashback chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

_Trumpets and explosions sounded, signalling the end of the French Invasion. Germany had a victorious win, helped by the Italians of course. Germany was celebrating in a bar with his fellow German soldiers when Feliciano and his men broke in. "You can't started celebrating without us!" He stated._

_Ludwig sighed as the Italians flooded the bar. He had nothing against them at all. In all honesty he thought that they were grate. It was just one Italian in particular that he didn't want to see. He hoped that Feliciano would just get drunk and leave, or thrown out. Feliciano sat down next to Ludwig with a smile on his face. "What's up Germany?" He said with an innocent smile on his face. "And if you say the roof I'll gouge your eyes out with my fingers and shove them in your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you."_

"_The sky." Said Ludwig. Feliciano laughed._

"_Cheeky fucker aren't you? Oi give me a beer!" He was immediately handed a beer by the bar tender. Feliciano took a deep breath and swallowed it in one gulp. Several people who were around applauded him. Feliciano took a bow. "Thank you, thank you. And for my next trick I'll down a bottle of scotch. Bar tender bring forth the golden brown elixir." As soon as it was in his hand Feliciano chugged it down and took another bow. The bar exploded into cheers and applauses even Ludwig applauded him a little._

_Feliciano grinned wildly and jumped up onto the bar. "Today my comrades." He said. "We have pushed back those slimy French assholes." His statement was met with more cheers. Feliciano raised his hands for silence. "And tonight we party like the world will end tomorrow." Everyone cheered and continued to drink as Feliciano sat back down next to Ludwig. "You impressed?"_

"_Hardly." Said Ludwig. He was lying of course. "Any idiot can do that." Feliciano pouted. _

"_No they can't." He said. "You got any idea how long it took me to learn not to gag on that stuff?" Ludwig shook his head. Feliciano was so strange._

"_Feliciano." Called an Italian. "Some of the guy's want to hear a war story." Feliciano laughed and left Ludwig to join them._

_Ludwig just sighed and swallowed more beer. He hated it when Feliciano talked about his war stories. Mainly because he was always part of them and Feliciano seemed to take a poetic licence when he spoke of them. It would always be him protecting Ludwig by pushing him to the ground to protect him from gunfire or shrapnel. All of which was a lie. Every time Feliciano knocked him over he always had some kind of weapon pressed threateningly against Ludwig._

"_And then." Said Feliciano. "I got shot six times. Six times. In the back."_

"_Show us your scars." Called a drunken man._

"_All right then." He said. Ludwig looked over as well. He wanted to see if Feliciano was really telling the truth. He highly doubted that Feliciano would have any injuries (unless you count the scraped elbows he got from crash tackling Ludwig). Feliciano pulled of his shirt and turned his back towards his expectant onlookers. His back was riddled with scars and gashed. Ludwig was speechless. "Check it out." Said Feliciano. "Every one of those bad boys tells a story. Go on pick one."_

"_What about that one?" Asked someone._

"_What?" Asked Feliciano. "This one?" He pointed to a bright pink gash that stretched across the lower part of his spinal cord. "Oh I got that one defending a rather sexy German. Bitch could have at least showed me some gratitude. Fucking French bastard would have torn that German to shreds if I wasn't there."_

_Ludwig could feel his face going red. He knew exactly how Feliciano got that scar. They had been on patrol near the border. Feliciano had decided to check something and left Ludwig alone. When he was suddenly pushed against a wall. He assumed it was Feliciano but when the man began to speak in French he knew he was in trouble. He suddenly heard a long string of Italian swears and fell to the ground. When he looked up he could see Feliciano stabbing the man to death. When Ludwig pulled him of the mangled corps he noticed that there was blood on Feliciano's back but since Feli didn't seem hurt o he didn't give it a second thought._

"_What about that one?" Asked another man. He pointed to a round bullet hole shaped scar on his shoulder blade._

_Feliciano laughed. "Shot while on patrol. I think it was during that raid near Reims. Once again defending someone else." Ludwig was shocked. He thought that Feliciano was trying to strangle him when he latched on to his neck. It's hard to think that Feliciano would protect him like that._

_Eventually everyone had asked him about his scars and Feliciano told them all their stories. The thing that bugged Ludwig about them was that every one of those scars seemed to involve Feliciano helping out a so called 'sexy' German. Soon Feliciano was sitting next to him again with a beer in hand. "So where were we Germany?" He asked._

_Ludwig glared at him and stood up. "I'm leaving."_

"_Ve? Germany I wanted to talk to you." Called Feliciano, but Ludwig was already out the door. He had only gotten around the corner of the pub when Feliciano had caught up with him. "What was that about?" He huffed. "I thought we could talk."_

"_About what?" Asked Ludwig. "You've been an idiot all night."_

_Feliciano pouted. "You must be thinking of my brother. I take everything I do seriously and I'm a hell of a lot smarter than Lovino."_

"_Well what was with all those scars?" Ludwig asked. Feliciano tilted his head in confusion. "Don't act like that Italy. Did you really get all of them by protecting me?"_

_Feliciano looked at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. "You finally got the hint? Damn who would have thought it would have taken you that long to figure out?" Ludwig just shook his head. Maybe Feliciano had had too much to drink. "I fucking risked my life and killed anyone who was near you just so you would stay safe."_

"_You've had way too much to –mmph" Ludwig's words were cut off by Feliciano pressing his lips against his own. He just stood there stunned until Feliciano pulled away._

"_Get it now?" He asked. "I did all that shit because I fucking love you." He roughly kissed Ludwig again, but this time he slowly returned the kiss. It could have been out of shock that he did it, but it didn't change the fact that was starting to like it. Feliciano nipped playfully at Ludwig's lip asking for entrance. Ludwig gladly gave it to him. They quickly battled for dominance but Feliciano easily over powered him. They only pulled away when their lungs were screaming for air. They pulled away panting, a string of saliva still connected their lips. "Know any good hotels?" Panted Feliciano._

_The next day Ludwig opened his eyes and was looking up at the roof of a cheap hotel that happened to be close to the bar he was at last night. He ran his tongue along his gums and noted that they still tasted like blood. He slowly sat up on his elbows and gritted his teeth in pain. His whole body felt like it was on fire. Feliciano really did a number on him last night. He had several bruises, bite marks and cuts all over his body. He half-heartedly smiled and laughed at the memories of Feliciano ravishing him stupid. Feliciano was right. He was a masochist. No, he was an extreme masochist and Feliciano was an extreme sadist. _

"_You want to try and sit up?" Asked Feliciano as he walked into the room wearing nothing but his boxers. He sat next to his lover and ran his fingers through his blond locks._

_Ludwig rolled his eyes. "I would but you fucked me into the mattress so hard I won't be able to sit properly for a week."_

"_Want to make it a month?" Asked Feliciano. Ludwig shook his head and sighed._

"_Although I am tempted I have better things to do then let a bastard like you fuck me." Feliciano slapped Ludwig across the face. There was silence for a few moments before they both burst into laughter._

"_You bastard." Laughed Feliciano. "You wanted me to bitch slap you."_

"_I was just flirting." Said Ludwig. "It's obvious that the usual lovey-dovey crap won't work on you."_

_Feliciano nodded. "And giving you love and affection the conventional way won't work either hu?" He kissed Ludwig on the forehead and stood up to get dressed. When he was done he flipped Ludwig the bird. "Later you little slut." He said. "The phone is next to you when you feel like calling an ambulance or your brother. Old what's his name. See you next time I want a quick fuck."_

"_Go jump of a bridge you dick head." Said Ludwig as Feliciano left. _

_That was how their twisted relationship started. Ever since then they maimed and beat each other with their fists and words to show how much they loved each other. From the perspective of the other countries they looked like they wanted each other dead, but in truth they could never do that. They loved each other too much._

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **FINALLY I GOT THAT BIT OUT OF THE WAY. Now it's time for some more weird stuff to happen. Please don't have me for this. I already asked people why they thought they hated each other. This was the best thing I could do (idea inspired by my friend NekoNekoRaman-chan). Please review. Depending on the feedback I get depends on how many more chapter I will do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shinigami-cat: **So… That was fun with the flashback and the love and the randomness and the other things… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

"… Seriously?" Asked Feliciano. Ludwig had just told Feliciano that they were lovers and about the way they showed their love to each other. Feliciano couldn't believe that people could use hate to show how much they loved each other. It just didn't seem right. But then again who was he to question it. After all, this world was so fucked up it might even be encouraged to beat the crap out of your lover. Though he seriously doubted it.

Ludwig nodded. "I know that it's probably hard to understand. Considering you have forgotten everything about us." Feliciano sighed. It was true that he had no memory of this Ludwig and his relationship with him. But he remembered everything about the other Ludwig, the one that he could always rely upon to help him.

"So why are you telling me this now? This was all too weird for Feliciano. Ludwig smiled at him and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I couldn't just sit by anymore and watch you slip away from me again." He softly kissed Feliciano on the forehead. "When I heard you jumped in front of that train I thought I lost you forever, but when I heard you were in a coma I was so happy." Ludwig pulled Feliciano onto his lap and buried his face in the crook of his neck. "Then when Ivan called me I thought you were fine. Then you acted so affectionately I freaked out. I'm so sorry I hurt you like that."

Feliciano closed his eyes, trying to make sense of what was being said to him. "But why didn't Lovi say anything about us?"

Ludwig sighed. "That's because he doesn't know about us. No one dose."

"Ve? Why?"

"Well you said that Lovino is too stupid to understand that we're together and I believe that you said that no one else would understand how we feel about each other. I honestly didn't really care either way but whatever."

Feliciano frowned. Everything was so weird and confusing. Why was Ludwig telling him all this now? Did he want to continue to have a relationship with him? Feliciano decided to bite the bullet and ask. "Do you still love me?"

"Yes." Said Ludwig. "I wouldn't have told you any of this if I still didn't love you." Well that did make sense.

"Do you want to start over?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well." Said Feliciano. "We could start dating or something, but it won't be like last time. I can't hurt you at all, I just can't."

Ludwig sighed. "I know, but I still love you. We can make it work." Feliciano relaxed. He was starting to sound more like the Ludwig he remembered; kind, caring, loving and just simply wonderful. "But we'll have to ease into telling the others."

Feliciano looked up at Ludwig with a confused look. "Why?"

Ludwig sighed and began to tell him why. "Let's see, everyone thinks that we want to kill each other, so if they found out, Ivan would try to kill me, Lovino would try to kill me, Matthew would try to kill me, Gilbert… would get Matthew to kill me and Arthur and Katyusha would use everything in their power to get pictures of us. I really don't want that."

"So Arthur and Katyusha are acting like Japan and Hungary."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing." Said Feliciano. "I'm still hungry." Ludwig laughed and gently pushed Feli back onto the bed.

"I'll make you something." Said Ludwig. He got up and headed for the door. "When's your brother getting back?"

"A couple of days."

"Then I guess I'll stay over until he comes back then." Said Ludwig as he walked out of the room. When he was gone Feliciano fell onto his back and sighed.

"This is so weird." He muttered to himself. If what Ludwig said was true, then they were lovers but their relationship was anything but normal. It consisted of anger and hate not the normal love and compassion. Feliciano just couldn't see it working at all, but Ludwig did really seem to care about him. Feliciano shook his head. "This is just so strange. I mean I like Ludwig in fact I was in love with him and then I woke up and I'm here. With all this weirdness… Who am I talking too?" Feliciano sighed and pulled the blankets over his head.

_It's official. My life sucks._

_**It could always be worse.**_

_Shut up._

The rest of the week went by surprisingly smoothly. Ludwig would either make Feliciano food or order take out. He would also sit with him and they would talk about whatever. Feliciano would talk about random things that he liked and didn't like. Ludwig would sit there and listen. Ludwig would look at him with surprise every now and then but he quickly got over it. After five days Feliciano finally asked Ludwig a question. "So what do you like Ludwig?"

Ludwig seemed a little surprised by the question. "What do you want to know?"

Feliciano thought about it for a second. "Oh, tell me what you like doing."

Ludwig frowned for a second. "I guess I like reading, cooking is okay too. Arthur taught me how to cook. He's really good at it, but Francis… His food tastes like shit. I also like hiking, swimming and I also like watching crime shows."

Feliciano smiled. "Why don't we go for a walk now? There's a park just down the road. It'll be fun!"

"I'm not sure that it's a good idea." Said Ludwig. "What if someone sees us?"

Feliciano laughed. "We can say that we are just friends because that's what we are now right? I mean we used to be lovers and now we are friends because we need to get to know each other again." 

Ludwig sighed. There was no way he could say no to Feliciano. "Put some shoes on and we'll get going." Feliciano beamed. He raced off to find a pair of shoes. When he had them on he went over to Ludwig who was standing in the hall. "Ready to go?" He asked. Feli nodded excitedly. He hadn't been outside in months. As they walked to the door they heard the sound of it being un-locked. They froze in their tracks. Was Lovino back already? When the door opened in walked a surprised looking Ivan and Lovino.

"What are you doing here?" Ivan asked Ludwig. "I thought I told you you weren't welcome here."

Ludwig rolled his eyes. "Whatever. This isn't your house. You can't tell I can't come over."

Ivan cracked his knuckles. "Well I suggest you leave now before I throw you out."

"I was planning to anyway. Let's go Feliciano." Ludwig and Feliciano tried to walk past Ivan and Lovino but they blocked their path.

"My _fratello _is not going anywhere with you." Said Lovino. "I won't let you hurt him."

"Me hurt him?" Scoffed Ludwig. "You should be thanking me. If it wasn't for me Feliciano would be dead by now."

"What are you talking about?" Growled Ivan.

Suddenly Ludwig just exploded. "Do you know what's been going through his mind? He thinks that everyone hates him! He thinks he's a monster! He thinks that the world would be better off without him! Did you even know he was starving himself? You say that you care about him but it's obvious that you two don't give a fuck about him!" Ludwig looked directly into Lovino's eyes. "If you really cared about him, you would have given him food and made sure that he ate it all. And when you found out he wasn't eating you should have called someone. But you did nothing! And you!" He pointed to Ivan. "Sure you took care of Feliciano when he was younger. Hell you stuck to him like super glue before the incident, but where are you now when he needs you the most? Nowhere! You probably wouldn't have even noticed if he just disappeared."

After Ludwig's outburst everyone was quiet. Lovino looked like he was on the verge of tears while Ivan looked like he was about to kill someone (which reminded Feliciano of the Ivan he remembered). "How dare you." Growled Ivan. "How could you say that? We both care about him a hell of a lot more then you ever could. You hate him. You've tried to kill on more than one occasion." Ivan looked down at Lovino. "Lovi take your brother to his room now. I'm going to have a little chat with Ludwig."

"No need." Growled Ludwig. "I'm leaving." He pushed Ivan out of the way and walked out the door. Before he was completely out the door he turned back. "Maybe next time Feliciano?" He said with a smile.

"Okay Ludwig." Said Feliciano weakly. As soon as Ludwig moved out of the door way Ivan slammed it shut.

"Why didn't you call us?" He demanded. Ivan looked like he was ready to kill someone. Feliciano started to tremble.

"I don't know. Please don't hit me!" Ivan sighed and pulled Feli into a hug.

"I'm sorry I got angry at you." He said. "I just get so made when he comes over. I keep thinking something terrible might have happened."

Lovino coughed. "Um, well since it's almost dinner time and since Feli is dressed we could all go out for dinner?"

"Good idea Lovi." Said Ivan. "Let's go." He pulled Feliciano and Lovino towards the door. Ivan started to talk with Lovino about where they could go. They were so wrapped up in their conversation they didn't notice that Feliciano was crying silent tears.

_I hate this._

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Now that I'm done I shall go eat some pasta! Please review!


	9. Chapter 9

**Shinigami-cat: **So like hi everyone… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

Feliciano stood on his balcony looking up at the stars. Was Ludwig looking up at the same ones too? He shifted the weight on his feet and flinched at the pain. He dropped a plate on the floor and was unlucky enough to step on it. He didn't even realize he had at the time. He had decided that he was becoming immune to physical pain because his body was dealing with so much mental trauma.

He looked down at the ground. He was two stories up. The fall wouldn't kill him, unless he landed on his head and with his luck at suicide he decided against it. He leaned against the railing and began to poke his bandaged foot. The white fabric already had patches of blood all over it and Feli's poking just made it worse.

"Ve…" He sighed. His life was miserable now. Just when he thought he could have some small bit of normality back (e.g. Ludwig) it all blew up in his face. He cringed a little at the pain but it did offer him a little comfort. It reminded him that everything was real, which in turn made him depressed. "Maybe if I keep touching it I'll stop feeling it."

Feliciano gave that up when the bandage went completely red from his blood. He didn't bother to change it. He wanted to watch it dry out and turn brown. The sun slowly began to rise and Feliciano sighed. He didn't realise that he stayed up all night. He sighed and stood up. His foot no longer hurt as badly as it did before. It was now a dull throbbing sensation.

He walked over to his wardrobe and got dressed. He tossed on a black hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans (that he apparently owned). Today was another world meeting in Italy. But he wanted to go for a quick walk before the meeting. He quietly slipped out of the house and limped down the street.

It was still pretty dark but it didn't matter. He was used to the dark. It was cold and made his skin go numb if he stayed there long enough. It was also a bit relaxing in the dark. It was calm, peaceful and just overall wonderful. After walking for a bit he jumped up and sat on a brick wall. He slowly watched the sun's rays push the darkness back. He sighed and looked up at the sky. It had turned a beautiful red colour that reminded him of roses, pasta sauce and blood.

His phone rang. He picked it up to see who was calling him. It was Lovino. He must have woken up early or something. Feliciano sighed again and chucked it onto the road. He watched as several cars and vespas ran over it, destroying it beyond repair. He imagined what it would be like to throw himself under a car. He imagined that it would hurt a lot, but then there would be that feeling of numbness. Unable to feel anything at all. It was tempting, so very tempting.

Feliciano slapped himself. "What am I thinking?" He slapped himself again. "I can't do that? Why am I thinking about that stuff?"

_**Because you are weak.**_

_I know I am. I've always been weak._

_**I give up. Go ahead. Kill yourself. Since you're so weak go and kill yourself.**_

_I don't know how._

_**Let's see… You could hang yourself, drown, cut your throat, electrocute yourself, jump of a skyscraper, there's lots of options.**_

_But they all sound painful._

_**Death is painful. Pain is death. You hardly ever have one without the other.**_

_Is there one way where it doesn't hurt?_

… _**Maybe if you get your hands on lots of morphine you could have a relatively painless death.**_

_But where would I get morphine?_

_**It was just a suggestion. You could always try to shoot yourself again. **_

_Because it worked out so well last time._

_**It could be different this time. Ludwig might not be able to stop you. You could find a safe, quiet place and kill yourself. **_

_That sounds nice._

Feliciano stood up and began to walk down the street again. His foot was now completely numb so he could walk normally. Well normally enough. He slowly trudged further and further away from his house. He didn't really care where he was going. Who knew, maybe he was running away from everything. That wouldn't be so bad. He was so wrapped in his thoughts he didn't notice the car pull up next to him.

Feliciano jumped when he heard the car's horn go off. He turned to the car and walked over to it. The window wound down and he looked inside. Ludwig was looking back at him. "What are you doing here this early Ludwig?" He asked. 

"Early?" Questioned Ludwig. "I'm going to the meeting. I'm actually a little late. You need a lift." Feliciano nodded and got into the passenger seat of the car. They sat in silence for a few minutes but Ludwig broke it when they stopped at a set of traffic lights. "So what were you doing out?"

Feliciano shrugged. "I just wanted to go for a walk. But I guess I just lost track of the time." He looked down at what he was wearing and frowned. "Do you think it's okay for me wear this to the meeting?"

"I don't think anyone care's anymore." Sighed Ludwig. "You once turned up to one of the meeting's dressed up as a zombie and told everyone to fuck off because you only woke up ten minutes before you had to get there. Well it was Halloween the night before."

Feliciano shrugged and looked out the window. "We never did go for that walk." He mused. "I really wanted to go, but I ended up having dinner with Lovi and Ivan instead." Ludwig suddenly did a U turn and drove away from where the world meeting was being held. "Ve? What are you doing Ludwig?"

"I hate seeing you upset." He stated. "So we are going to ditch the meeting today and do something fun." Feliciano's eyes went wide. The Ludwig he remembered wouldn't have done something like this for him. He would have promised to do something with him after the meeting, never before.

Feli bounced up and down in his seat. "Where are we going?"

"Firstly." Said Ludwig. "We are going back to my hotel because I don't really want to wear a suit all day. Secondly, I'm not going to tell you because it's a surprise." Feliciano smiled. Maybe today wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

By midday Feliciano and Ludwig were sitting under a tree in a park eating gelato. It had been a good day for Feli. They had gone for a walk for several hours and when Feliciano said his feet were starting to hurt from walking Ludwig happily carried Feli until he wanted to walk again. It was one of the most romantic… No. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for him.

Ludwig picked up his phone and checked his messages. He sighed. "I'm so dead."

"Ve? Why?" Asked Feliciano.

Ludwig frowned. "Well The world meeting ended half an hour ago and Gilbert has been messaging me non-stop. What about you?"

Feliciano blushed. "I… um… destroyed my phone." He said sheepishly.

"Why would you do that?"

"I didn't want to talk to my brother." He said. "I didn't want to talk to anyone."

"Except me?"

Feli smiled at Ludwig. "Except you." He hugged Ludwig and sighed contently. It felt good.

"Well I'd better get you back home." Said Ludwig. "Don't want a lynch mob after us." Feliciano giggled and got to his feet. They walked back to the car and drove back to Feli's house.

When they pulled into the driveway Ludwig became tense. "Ve? What's wrong Ludwig?"

Ludwig sighed. "I bet Ivan is in there organising a search team or something. Sorry but I don't think it's a good idea if I walk you to the door." Feliciano nodded.

"I understand. I'll see you later?"

"Of course Feli." Said Ludwig. Feliciano grinned and got out of the car.

He watched Ludwig drive off before turning toward the door. He was a little worried but he would have to be brave. After all he did run off and miss the world meeting, but none of that could take away the good day he just had with Ludwig… Nothing could… Hopefully.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Woot! Another chapter finished. Please review!


	10. Chapter 10

**Shinigami-cat: **I GOT MY INSPERATION! Now I shall continue this fan fiction ^_^… I OWN NOTHING!

**Why?**

Feliciano slowly walked towards the door. He knew that Lovino was probably crying his eyes out, because that's what he would have done. He quietly opened the door and looked inside. He could hear Lovino talking very quickly in the lounge room and the childishly calm voice of Ivan. It sent chills up his spine. Feliciano took a deep breath and walked inside. He walked into the lounge room and coughed to announce his presence.

"Feli!" Cried Lovino. He ran over to Feliciano and hugged him. "I was so worried about you. I had no idea where you were! You wouldn't answer your phone!"

Feliciano smiled softly and patted Lovino's head. "I'm sorry I just needed to get away for a while."

"So where did you go Feli?" Asked Ivan.

"I… I… I just went to the park." Stuttered Feliciano. He was hesitant about telling them that he spent the day with Ludwig.

"Really?" Asked Ivan. He seemed unconvinced. "Because Ludwig wasn't at the meeting today."

"R… really?" Asked Feli. He was becoming more and more nervous. "How strange is that? I wonder where he was. Maybe he was sick? Maybe you should ask Gilbert about where he was?"

Ivan frowned. "You were with him weren't you?"

Feliciano gulped. "And what if I was?"

Lovino gasped. "No you wouldn't be hanging out with him would you? Germany is a very bad man. He's also really strong and hate's everyone except for Gilbert but he only just tolerates him because they're brothers!" The way Lovino was talking about Ludwig was starting to tick Feliciano off.

"He's right Feli." Said Ivan. "And if he is hanging out with you and being nice he's probably using you."

"Shut up." Whispered Feliciano. But Ivan and Lovino didn't hear him and they continued to bad mouth Ludwig.

"He's a really bad person _fratello_!"

"Uncontrollable temper, da."

"He's really scary!"

"Please shut up." Said Feliciano a little louder.

"Intimidating and rude."

"He pushed me once!"

"Stay away from him Feliciano."

"He's really scary when he's angry!"

Feliciano couldn't take it anymore. "SHUT UP!" He screamed. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Don't talk about Ludwig like that… He's really kind and nice. I don't care what you have to say! I hate you all!" Feliciano took some deep breaths and tried his best to stop shaking.

Ivan put his hand on Feliciano's shoulder. "Feliciano please calm down." Feli shrugged Ivan's hand off him.

"Don't talk to me like you care about me!" He snapped. "You aren't my family!" He marched into the hall and towards the front door. Ivan and Lovino followed him.

"Okay so I may not be your family but Lovino is." Said Ivan. "Are you really going to walk out on him?" Feliciano stopped and looked back at Lovino. He looked like he was about to cry.

"I'm sorry Lovino." Said Feliciano. "But I don't know who you are anymore." Feliciano walked out the door.

He caught a taxi and ended up outside Ludwig's hotel. He bit his lip and went to Ludwig's room. He stood outside the door and knocked. He waited for what seemed like forever before the door opened. Gilbert answered. "Feliciano? What are you doing here?"

Feliciano looked up at him with lifeless eyes. "I want to see Ludwig. Now."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea Feliciano…" Muttered Gilbert.

Feliciano was fed up with people telling him what to do. He pushed past Gilbert and walked inside. "I don't care. I want to see him now."

Gilbert sighed and closed the door. "Feliciano... Ludwig isn't here."

Feliciano looked at Gilbert with deadly eyes. "Then where is he? I need to see him now."

Gilbert began to tremble. "I'm sorry... I... I don't know where he went... Please don't hit me... Ludwig said if I got beaten up again he wouldn't take me to the hospital."

Feliciano ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Why does everyone have to be so afraid of me...? I don't hurt people. I'm a wuss. I can't even shoot a gun to save my life."

Gilbert sighed. "I'm sorry Feliciano... I'm sure he'll be back soon... Um... are you dating Ludwig again?"

Feliciano looked at Gilbert with wide eyes. "Ve? Ludwig said no one knew about us..."

Gilbert sighed. "Well... I kind of found out... I mean I live in the same house as him and I kind of overheard you two talking after a meeting..."

_It was another world meeting and Gilbert was going un noticed. Suddenly another fight broke out between Feliciano and Ludwig. Feliciano had launched himself across the table and had Ludwig pinned against the floor. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Shrieked Feliciano._

_Ludwig punched Feliciano in the guts and knocked him off. "Shut the fuck up you sadistic prick."_

_After that Gilbert tuned out all the swearing and name calling and concentrated on the fighting. As the two were fighting he noticed something strange... They weren't hitting as hard as they usually did. Their punches and kicks seemed softer and less brutal._

"_Weird." He muttered._

_Ivan and Roderich managed to pull the two apart. "The meeting is over!" Called Ivan. Soon everyone emptied the room, leaving Gilbert all alone. He sighed and stood up. He noticed that his shoe lace was undone. He bent down and retied it. As soon as he ducked down the door opened again and he heard the familiar voice of a rather angry Italian._

"_Fuck... that was just... Fuck!" Cursed Feliciano. _

"_Sorry." Chuckled the familiar voice of his younger brother. Gilbert's eyes went wide and he crawled under the table. He wanted to hear this._

"_What are you saying sorry for?" Snapped Feliciano. "You know it fucking pisses me off when you say shit like that. I'd much rather you begging for my... expert touch."_

"_I... What... Um... Shut up Feli." Stuttered Ludwig. Suddenly the sound of a slap echoed through the room. "What was that for?_

"_Your punishment." Said Feliciano. "I can't help but punish you when you call me that... or am I rewarding you?"_

_Ludwig chuckled again. "A bit of both I guess... Feli." Another slap._

"_You really are a glutton for this aren't you?" Asked Feliciano. "If you keep this up I might have to slit your wrists and suck your blood out again... Maybe I'll have to tie you up and whip you too... Heck if you're still acting up like this tonight I might have to try hooking you up to a car battery again. You'd like that wouldn't you?"_

"_Well the car batter was pretty fun..." Said Ludwig. "But I wasn't so crazy about smelling my own charred flesh. The whip was good though."_

_Gilbert couldn't believe what he was hearing. Were Feliciano and Ludwig in a relationship? No they couldn't... They hatted each other...There had to be a logical explanation for it... Maybe..._

"_Really? You like the whip?" Feliciano chuckled darkly. "Maybe I could put some razor wire right in the tip would you like that?"_

"_Would you be mad if I said that was the dumbest idea I've ever heard?"_

"_Come again?" Hissed Feliciano._

"_Cover the whole whip in razor wire." Whispered Ludwig. "That would feel amazing."_

"_You know I couldn't do that." Said Feliciano. "You would cum after one lash."_

"_Then use a cock ring." Said Ludwig. "I thought you would have at least thought of that by yourself. By the way I didn't hurt your arm did I?"_

"_Nope." Said Feliciano. "And thanks for not busting my ribs up too bad. Your neck okay?"_

"_Fine."_

"_Good... So do you remember the plan?"_

"_Yep, I'll tell Gilbert I'm going out drinking but instead I'll be going to that hotel."_

"_And if he asks to go with you?"_

"_He wouldn't but if he did I'd basically threaten him a little... What are you going to tell Lovino?"_

"_I'm going to tell him I'm going to get piss drunk and I'll be back in a few days. Retard never questions me, and if he does I just introduce him to my fist. They are good acquaintances these days."_

_After that there was no more talking. Just the sound of the door opening and closing. Gilbert's mouth hung open in pure shock. Slowly he moved out from under the desk and was face to face with Feliciano. Gilbert yelped and fell to the floor. "Feliciano! What... What are you doing here? I... I thought you left."_

_Feliciano chuckled darkly, lifted Gilbert to his feet and slammed him against the table. "So, how much did you hear? Everything I bet."_

_Gilbert shook his head. "No! I heard nothing!"_

_Feliciano smirked. His eyes were venomous and full of hate. "You're a terrible lire and you fucking know it you prick. You heard everything. Don't you fucking say otherwise."_

_Gilbert just looked at Feliciano to terrified to move. He just said the first thing that came to his head. "I won't let you hurt Ludwig."_

_Feliciano looked at him in disbelief before laughing like a maniac. "Seriously? You say that now after all the shit we've done? You realize that Ludwig is an extreme masochist? He loves it when I beat him to a pulp. He can't get enough of me and I can't get enough of him." He leaned in close to Gilbert's ear and whispered. "Do you realize how beautiful he looks when he's all bloodied, screaming and writhing an agony underneath me?"_

"_You're sick!" Exclaimed Gilbert._

_Feliciano laughed and spat in Gilbert's face. "That's nothing new Gilbert. Ludwig has been telling me that for years. It has no effect on me at all... In fact... It's kind of a turn on for me now."_

_Gilbert looked and Feliciano with wide eyes and tried his best to wriggle out of Feliciano's grip. "Let me go! You monster!"_

_Feliciano smirked. "Damn you look so sexy when you're terrified... just makes me want to cut you up and eat you piece by piece..." He leaned in and his lips hovered over Gilbert's neck. Gilbert's breath hitched in his throat. Suddenly Feliciano pulled back. "But I can't cheat on Ludwig... He's too important to me... If I lost him I would kill myself, which is why we're going to make a deal."_

"_A deal?" Asked Gilbert hesitantly._

"_Yes a deal." Hissed Feliciano. "You don't tell anyone about me and Ludwig and I will let you keep living. Do you agree?"_

_Gilbert quickly nodded. "Yes. I won't tell anyone!"_

"_Good." Hissed Feliciano. "But if you do I swear I'll fucking hunt you down like the filthy bitch you are, tie you up like a Christmas turkey, torture you and rape you for months on end... and then I'll leave you locked in a tiny room... walls to narrow to lie down... ceiling too low to sit... for a century... I've always wanted to see if a country can starve to death... but you are technically an ex-nation... so it won't be as interesting... Understand?"_

_Gilbert nodded. "Yes! Please... Let me go... I won't say anything... I'll forget I ever heard anything!"_

_Feliciano smiled and pulled Gilbert off the table. "Good boy. Now run along. Go on skat."_

_Gilbert ran out of the room as fast as he could. He promised himself that he would never speak about what just happened to anyone, ever._

Feliciano was wide eyed. "Ve? I did that to you? I'm so sorry!" He hugged Gilbert and cried. He had no idea he did that, or could have done that to Gilbert.

Gilbert hesitantly returned Feliciano's hug. "It's okay... I... I forgive you... Just don't tell Ludwig okay? He doesn't know that I knew you two were dating before the accident."

Feliciano nodded and let him go. "Okay... but what happened? The accident I mean... No one will tell me anything."

Gilbert scratched his head. "Well... the truth is I don't know anything... I just know that you jumped in front of a train after the world meeting in America. I don't think anyone knows why you did it. You just did."

Feliciano sighed. _Why can't I figure this out?_

_**Because you aren't meant to. You aren't allowed to.**_

_Oh go away._

_**No way. You're too much fun. I'm never going to leave you.**_

_Then just shut up._

Suddenly Ludwig walked through the door. "He Gilbert I'm back... Feli?"

Feliciano burst into tears and ran to Ludwig. He just needed to be with him so badly right now. "Ludwig... Ivan and Lovino... I... I can't live in that place anymore... I... I just can't..."

Ludwig nodded and looked at Gilbert with venomous eyes. "Feliciano's going to be living with us from now on. Tell anyone about this and I swear-"

"You'll kill me?" Asked Gilbert. "I know the drill..." He sighed and walked out of the room. He was going to take a much needed shower after one heck of a stressful day.

When he was gone Feliciano looked up at Ludwig with wide eyes. "Really? I can live with you?"

Ludwig blushed. "Well... I assumed you didn't want to go back their... I just thought..."

"It's fine." Beamed Feliciano. "In fact it's wonderful!" He leaned forward and kissed Ludwig on the lips. Nothing could spoil this moment.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... sorry about all that... but I'm writing it again! Please be happy! Please review!


	11. Chapter 11

**Shinigami-cat: **Next chapter!

**Why?**

It had been a week since Feliciano had secretly moved into Ludwig's house. Everything was fine on the most part... except when Ludwig almost went ballistic when he found out that Feliciano had a rather deep cut in his foot. Gilbert was so freaked out that he jumped out the window, in case Ludwig decided to do it himself.

Feliciano had told him it was fine, but Ludwig was still pissed about it. At the moment Feliciano was trying to make himself useful by making lunch. Gilbert was watching him from the lounge room. He was still suspicious about Feliciano and just wanted to make sure that no one got poisoned.

Feliciano was making pasta and some garlic bread! I mean what else would he make? When the garlic bread was done he brought it out to the lounge room to share with Gilbert (Ludwig went out for a walk). "Ve, I hope it's nice. But I haven't made garlic bread in a while so it might taste too much like garlic... or too much like butter."

Gilbert nodded and cautiously took a bite. "It's good."

Feliciano pouted. "You aren't just saying that because you are still afraid of me are you?"

Gilbert shook his head. "No I mean it. It's really nice... I haven't had garlic bread in ages... Can I ask you a question?"

Feliciano nodded. "Of course. What do you want to know?"

"Well... Why did you want to talk to my brother when you first woke up? I mean if you lost your memory and everything, why would you want to see him? Wouldn't you rather see your brother or something?"

Feliciano shrugged. "I just... Would you think I was crazy if I told you... Never mind..."

"No tell me." Said Gilbert. "I won't think you're crazy."

Feliciano smiled. "Okay... You see while I was in a coma I guess I re wrote history in my head... Ve, what I mean is... While I was sleeping I re wrote my life... I dreamed of a different world... It was the same as this one but it was so different. Everyone I know was in my dream but they were different... I mean you were acting like Matthew... and Kiku wasn't a pervert, Francis was."

Gilbert blinked. "That's strange... I can't possibly imagine being as confident and as out spoken as Matthew... And I really find it hard to believe that Francis could be as big a pervert as Kiku... I mean, his hands wonder everywhere..."

Feliciano sighed. "I guess... But I just don't know... Everything seems like a dream... I mean I know this is real... but it doesn't seem real at all..."

Gilbert nodded. "Okay... But that sounds really weird..."

Feliciano shrugged. "Well... it can't be helped can it. But sometimes I just want to scream..."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Hey! Open up! The awesome me is here!"

Gilbert blushed and got up. "You better run off Feliciano... I don't think Matthew would be too happy to see you here."

Feliciano nodded and walked up to the attic. When he was there he sat against some boxes and sighed. _"I wonder..."_

"_**Wonder what?"**_

"_If Lovino misses me."_

"_**I bet he does. You must have freaked him out when you left."**_

"_I guess so... but he should be fine... I mean he has Antonio right."_

"_**Or does he? Remember this is a different place. He probably won't have Antonio here."**_

"_I guess you're right... But..."_

"_**No buts Feli, Lovino wouldn't have Antonio."**_

"_Fine... Whatever I don't care anymore..."_

"_**Ha! So as long as you have Ludwig the suffering of others don't matter at all?"**_

"_Of course it does..."_

"_**LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! You are a liar! You did nothing but sulk when you found out Ludwig supposedly hated you! And now you're hiding in his attic! Not giving a damn about what anyone thinks!"**_

"_Shut up... Please just shut up..."_

"_**NO! YOU ARE A LIAR! A FILTHY LIAR! YOU LIAR!"**_

Feliciano curled up into a ball and whimpered. _"Please go away... Please..."_

"_**LIAR! LIAR! TRASH! FILTH! NO ONE LOVES YOU! YOU DON'T LOVE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF! SELFISH! LIAR! LIAR! MONSTER! FREAK!"**_

Tears slipped out of Feliciano's eyes. _"Please go away... It's not true... it isn't..."_

"_**LIAR! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! **__**DIE YOU TRASH! JUST DIE! DIE! **__**I HATE YOU SO MUCH! GO AND DIE! YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS LIFE!"**_

"GO AWAY!" Screamed Feliciano. "GO AWAY! STAY AWAY FROM ME! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! JUST DIE! GO AWAY!"

Suddenly Gilbert ran into the attic closely followed by Matthew. "Holy shit! It that Feliciano?"

Gilbert ran to Feliciano and held him tight. "Yes it is... Are you okay Feliciano? What happened? What's wrong?"

"The voice..." Whimpered Feliciano. "It's getting worse and worse... It used to just say things every now and then... but then... It just started to yell at me... for no reason... Why won't it stop...? Gilbert make it stop... please..."

Gilbert rubbed small circles into Feliciano's back. "It's okay Feliciano. It's fine. I'm here. Ludwig will be back soon."

"Okay I'm confused." Said Matthew. "So Feliciano ran here a week ago and now he's hearing voices?"

Gilbert nodded. "Yes. Please don't tell anyone that Feliciano is here... He doesn't want anyone to know... Neither does Ludwig."

"But Lovino is really worried about him." Said Matthew. "And Ivan is just about ready to tear up the whole of Europe to look for him."

Feliciano's eyes went wide. "What would he do that? Why am I so important to him?"

"_**Because you are a monster that needs to be locked away."**_

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Feliciano. "JUST SHUT UP! I'M NOT A MONSTER! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Gilbert held onto Feliciano tighter. "It's okay Feliciano. You aren't a monster." He looked up at Matthew and sighed. "Could you please not tell anyone where Feliciano is?"

Matthew nodded. "Sure. The awesome me knows when to keep his mouth shut. Just tell me one thing; out of all the people Feliciano ran to why would he run to Ludwig?"

Gilbert turned away. "I can't say..."

"Because I love him." Said Feliciano. "And he loves me."

Matthew looked at them with shock. "Say what?"

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Shinigami-cat: **Okay I'm back, I'm alive and... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Ivan sighed and scribbled all over a world map. "If I start looking in France... no he wouldn't go there... Maybe... no... Um... how about Asia? Doubtful..."

"Hey big brother what's up?" Asked Natalia as she skipped into the room.

Ivan frowned. "I'm trying to decide where to start looking for Feliciano, da."

Natalia shrugged. "He can take care of himself. I don't see what the big deal is."

Ivan gritted his teeth and took in a long deep breath. "Because... he's a monster."

_Ivan was walking along the dirt road of Italy. It was a nice warm day but he was still wearing his scarf. As he walked along he happened to spy a little girl sitting on a rock next to the road playing with her rosary. She looked a little lost. Ivan walked up to her and smiled. "Hello little girl are you lost?"_

_The girl looked up and him and spat in his face. "Shut the fuck up! Leave me alone you big nosed idiot. I'm not fucking lost and I'm a fucking boy you mother fucker."_

_Ivan was taken aback by the young boy's actions. It was an honest mistake to make. After all, the boy did have very feminine features and he was wearing a dress of some sort... but his violent actions reminded him of someone. "Are you related to the Roman Empire?"_

_The boy looked up at Ivan with curious eyes. "You know my Grandpa?"_

_Ivan scratched the back of his head and laughed. "Well I knew of him... So would you be North Italy or South Italy?"_

_The boy rolled his eyes. "North Italy of course. My retard of an older brother is South Italy. He's really special... so stupid... Retard even let some dipshit in a mask take him away. Bastard just said 'I'm like totally taking you to my house' and Romano just smiled and walked off with the creep. IDIOT!"_

_Ivan nodded. "Oh... so Romano ran off with Turkey. So you are all alone now?"_

_The boy snorted. "Who cares? It doesn't matter to me. I'm strong. I can beat the shit out of anyone who tries to take me to their house."_

_Ivan smirked. "So... let's say I was able to beat you in a fight of some sort and took you to my house... you would stay there?"_

_The boy frowned. "I guess..." Suddenly Ivan picked up the boy and slung him over his arm. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? PUT ME DOWN!"_

_Ivan shook his head. "No. You said if I could take you to my house you wouldn't run away. So I'm Russia also known as Ivan. Who are you?"_

_The boy growled in defeat. "Fine... North Italy... Feliciano..._

_**...**_

"_Leave me along you fucker!" Screamed Feliciano. At the moment Feliciano was sitting on Ivan's lap while Ivan was trying to put warmer clothes onto the boy._

"_Well you need to wear this if you don't want to catch a cold da." He finally managed to pull a jumper over Feliciano's head_

_Once Feliciano was wearing the jumper he jumped off Ivan's lap and ran down the hall. "I hate you so much!"_

_Ivan chuckled and followed Feliciano. He was just such a cute little kid. A little rough around the edges but still cute. He followed Feliciano into a room that he had set up as a playroom for Feliciano when he first came to live with him. Feliciano went straight to playing with the toy soldiers. He set them up and prepared for a fake battle. "First wave forward!"_

_**...**_

_Ivan was sitting in his study by the fireplace. It was nice to have some time to himself and not have to worry about Feliciano running around like a crazy person... swearing his head off and kicking people for no reason._

_Suddenly he heard a woman scream. Ivan ran out to the main entrance. A house maid was sprawled out on the floor; blood flowing from her head, broken ankle and arm. Ivan ran to her side. She was still alive. Another maid quickly ran in and gasped. "What happened?"_

"_I'm not sure..." Said Ivan. "Please call a doctor."_

_While the maid was helping the other maid Ivan happened to glance up and that's when he saw him. He saw Feliciano standing at the top of the steps. His eyes seemed dead. He turned and ran away. Ivan quickly ran up the steps and bolted to Feliciano's room._

_He walked into Feliciano's room and frowned. Feliciano was sitting on his bed looking out the window. "Feliciano... Why did you push her?"_

"_I didn't do anything." Whispered Feliciano. _

"_Don't lie Feliciano." Said Ivan. "I know you pushed her-"_

"_I DIDN'T PUSH HER!" Screamed Feliciano. "IT WASN'T ME! I DIDN'T DO IT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT!"_

_Ivan sighed. "Feliciano..."_

_Feliciano put his hands over his ears and began to rock back and forth. "I DIDN'T DO IT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT!"_

_Ivan sighed and walked over to Feliciano. He pulled him into a hug. "It's okay Feliciano... It's okay..." Even though he knew it wasn't okay at all..._

_**...**_

_After what happened Ivan didn't allow anymore maids to work in his house. He was worried about what Feliciano might do to them. But it had been several centuries ago. Feliciano now physically looked like a teenager. A really moody teenager but a teenager none the less. Ivan had trusted him enough to leave the house while he went out drinking. "Are you sure you will be okay?"_

_Feliciano rolled his eyes. "Yes you fucking shit head. I won't burn down the house or anything..." He began to fiddle with his rosary. "Go get drunk."_

_Ivan nodded and left the house. Something seemed a little off about him but it didn't seem like a big deal. Several hours later Ivan came back to an oddly quiet house. He frowned but it could have been worse. Before he went to bed he decided to see if Feliciano was still awake._

_He walked to Feliciano's room and opened the door. He was surprised to see that Feliciano wasn't there. He was about to search the house when he heard an ear-piercing scream. Ivan ran to the source of the scream. It came from Ivan's study._

_He opened the door and gasped in pure horror. Feliciano was sitting naked in front of the fire place; he was pressing a red hot poker against his chest while reciting the Lord's Prayer. Tears were pouring down his face. "Our... our father who... who lives in heaven... Hallowed... be thy name..." He didn't notice Ivan yet. Ivan didn't know what was going on. _

"_Feliciano? What are you doing to yourself?" _

"_Thy kingdom come... Thy... thy will be done... On earth as it is in heaven..." He whimpered. As Ivan watched him he noticed something disturbing... Feliciano's body was covered in crucifix shaped scars. "Give us this day... our daily bread... Forgive us our sins..."_

"_Feliciano what are you doing?"_

"_As... as we forgive those who sin against us... Lead us not into... into temptation..."_

"_Stop this Feliciano." Said Ivan._

"_But... but deliver us from evil... For the kingdom..."_

"_Stop this Feliciano!" Cried Ivan._

"_The power..."_

"_STOP THIS FELICIANO!" Yelled Ivan._

"_And the glory are... are yours... Now and forever..."_

_Ivan ran over to Feliciano. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"_

"_A... amen." Feliciano ripped the iron poker away from his chest and collapsed. Ivan grabbed Feliciano and bit his lip._

"_What are you doing? Why would you do that to yourself?"_

_Feliciano whimpered and buried his head into Ivan's shirt. "I... I have to... I have to. I can't stop... I... I have to..."_

_Ivan ran his fingers through Feliciano's hair. "Shhh... It's okay Feliciano... Why do you have to? What were you doing?"_

_Feliciano shivered. "I... I tried to perform an exorcism... but it didn't work... It never does... It keeps coming back... It won't let me be..."_

_Ivan's eyes widened. "An exorcism? Why? Why would you do such a thing?"_

"_BECAUSE!" Screamed Feliciano. "It WON'T GO AWAY! IT WON'T SHUT UP! IT NEVER DOES! IT KEEPS FORCING ME TO DO THINGS! IT WON'T LET ME BE!"_

_Ivan didn't know what to say. He just kept holding Feliciano close. He looked down at the iron poker. It was just a regular poker but on the end was the crucifix from Feliciano's rosary. "How long have you been doing this?"_

"_... Years..." Whispered Feliciano. "Years and years... It only works for a little while and then I have to burn myself again... I've been burning myself ever since that maid fell down the steps..."_

"_Feliciano...Did you push her?"_

"_NO I DIDN'T!" He shrieked. "I DID NOT PUSH HER! IT WASN'T ME! IT WASN'T ME...! It... I... it was an accident... it... I... the voice told me to and I... It' not my fault... It's not my fault... It's not... Not my fault..."_

_Ivan sighed. "It's okay Feliciano... It's okay... I'll help you... I'll help you get rid of the voice... I'll help you... You'll never have to hear that voice again... I'll help you. I promise you I'll never leave you."_

"_Thank you." Whimpered Feliciano. "Thank you so much I'll never leave you either..."_

_**...**_

_After a few more decades Italy became independent and officially moved out of Ivan's house. He was now attending his first ever world meeting. It would be the first time he would see his brother in years... not to mention all the other countries. "How are you going Feliciano? Your scars healed properly?"_

_Feliciano nodded. "Well... yes... I'm not burning myself anymore... Just... Just shut the fuck up Ivan. I'm fucking nervous as hell."_

_Ivan smiled, pushed open the door and walked inside. He beamed as he greeted everyone and everyone greeted him. Feliciano cautiously walked inside and was immediately crash tackled by Romano. "Feliciano! It's been so long since I've seen you!"_

_Feliciano growled and delivered a punch to Romano's face. "WHAT THE FUCK? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TACKLE ME TO THE GROUND? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? WERE YOU DROPPED AS A BABY? OH THAT'S RIGHT YOU WERE DROP KICKED INTO A FUCKING WALL!" The whole room went silent. So much for first impressions. Feliciano dusted himself off and found his seat. "Are we starting this shit or what?"_

"_Man you're an asshole." Snapped a German voice. "You punch your brother in the face after you haven't seen each other in years and that's how you greet him?"_

_Feliciano's eyes snapped towards a tall, muscular blond with blazing blue eyes. Feliciano's stomach did a flip. "Shut up. Fucking cock sucker. You don't know shit about me so don't you fucking lecture me!"_

"_Are you looking for a fight?" Hissed the German._

"_Bring it bitch!" Snapped Feliciano. He pushed back his chair and started to march towards the man, but Ivan grabbed his arm._

"_Feliciano... Please don't mess with Germany."_

_Feliciano frowned. "Germany huh?"_

_**...**_

_Feliciano hardly ever visited Ivan any more... not after the French invasion... But he seemed to be doing better than he had been for years. But today Feliciano had stopped by Ivan's house to talk. They were sitting in Ivan's study drinking coffee. "Is there something you want to talk about?" Asked Ivan._

_Feliciano sighed. "Well... I was just wondering how a country would go about getting married."_

_Ivan tilted his head. "Why would you want to know?"_

_Feliciano shrugged. "Well I was just curious that's all. I know that some countries get hitched because of alliances but... is there any other way?"_

_Ivan frowned. "No... I don't think so..."_

_Feliciano sighed and stood up. "Well nice to see you again Ivan. But I'd better be going."_

_Ivan followed Feliciano to the door. "Wait Feliciano I need to talk to you!"_

"_What about?"_

"_Do you still hear the voices?"_

_Feliciano laughed. "You're kidding me right? Ever since the French invasion I've found a fun outlet. The voices haven't said anything to me in years!_

_Ivan smiled. "Okay Feliciano. I believe you."_

_**...**_

_The next week Feliciano jumped in front of a train._

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat:** Hope you liked it! PLEASE REVIEW!


	13. Chapter 13

**Shinigami-cat: **Next chapter... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Feliciano was still sitting in the attic. He refused to come out. Why? He had no idea. He just felt calmer staying up there. Gilbert had tried to convince him to come down with him but Feliciano refused. Even Matthew tried for a little bit before Gilbert asked him to leave before Ludwig came back. So there was Feliciano, alone in the attic.

He started to go through some of the boxes. "Ve, nothing much here..." He muttered. "Just some old clothes... and some really old guns... boring."

Suddenly the door to the attic opened up and Ludwig walked in. "Feliciano? What happened?"

Feliciano jumped slightly but quickly got over the shock. "Oh... hi Ludwig... Not much... I just... Nothing..." He had no idea how he was going to explain himself to Ludwig... Not after everything that happened.

Ludwig sighed and walked over to a box. He sat down and motioned Feliciano to sit next to him. Feliciano hesitated and sat next to him. Ludwig sighed. "So... Is it the voice again?"

Feliciano's eyes went wide. "Ve? You know about the voices?"

Ludwig nodded. "You told me all about it years ago. You told me how you used to burn yourself because you thought you were possessed... But after a while you stopped and well... I thought you were getting better..."

Feliciano shrugged and sighed. "I... I just don't know anymore... I don't know who I am anymore..."

Ludwig pulled Feliciano into a hug and gently stroked his hair. "It's okay... You're Feliciano Vargas... Then nation of Italy and... I love you. What else do you need to know?"

Feliciano sighed and melted into the hug. Ludwig was just so warm and comforting. _Ve... I wish we could just stay like this forever..._

_**Not going to happen. Sooner or later you'll do something crazy again and BAM! Everything's up shit creek again!**_

Feliciano froze and bit his lip. _Go away... I don't need you here._

_**Whatever... But you know it's true. You can't change it. There's nothing you can do.**_

_That's what you think._

_**Oh really?**_

_Yes really. I'm going to get rid of you even if it kills me._

_**Ooo fun! Can't wait to see how that turns out. Send me a post card when you fail okay?**_

_I'm not going to fail. I will get rid of you._

"Hey Feliciano are you okay?" Asked Ludwig.

Feliciano nodded and stood up. "Yeah... I'm fine... Let's go down stairs. I still have some pasta on the stove." Ludwig frowned but followed him anyway. For the rest of the day Feliciano was battling the voice inside his head.

Later that night Feliciano walked into the guest bedroom and sat down on the bed. He felt exhausted. Everything was just too tough. "Ve... I... I need a vacation... Nothing feels right anymore... I hate this... I hate it all..."

He hugged his pillow and curled up on the mattress. He hated that he was so useless... he couldn't even help himself. He had to rely on others to save him. He wanted to be strong and powerful like everyone said he was before the accident. He gritted his teeth and growled in frustration. "Why can't I remember? Why can't I remember anything? Did I get brain damage or something? GOD DAMN IT!"

Slowly the door to Feliciano's room opened up and Gilbert poked his head inside. "Are you okay Feliciano?"

Feliciano shook his head. "I don't know why I can't remember... But I want to... I just don't know why I can't..."

Gilbert sighed and sat next to Feliciano. "Maybe it's better that you did forget... I mean you weren't that nice before... and you scared the hell out of a lot of people..."

Feliciano sighed and rested his head in his hands. "Well I guess... I don't know... I want to remember but I just don't know..."

**XoXoXo this is a page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano was huddled up in the corner of a cold dark room. He had no idea where he was or why. But he could hear whispers floating around the place. All of which were causing him nothing but pain.

"Monster."

"Freak."

"Disgusting."

"Filthy."

"Shut up..." Whimpered Feliciano. "Please... Shut up..."

"Savage."

"Beast."

"Devil."

"Animal."

Feliciano dug his nails into his hair. "Shut up... Shut up. Just shut up..."

"Repulsive."

"Putrid."

"Vulgar."

"Demon."

"Beelzebub."

"Hellion."

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Feliciano. "JUST SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The whispering ceased. The only sounds that Feliciano could hear were the sounds of water dripping from the ceiling, the scrabble of rat's claws across the damp metal floor and the sound of his own heart racing inside his chest.

_**Don't you get it Feliciano? **_

Feliciano's eyes snapped open. It was too dark to see anything but he knew the owner of the voice was standing in front of him. "Who are you?" He whispered. "Why are you doing this to me?"

_**Do you realize your sins yet?**_

"My sins?" Cried Feliciano. "What sins? I know no one is without sin but what have I done to deserve this?"

_**Can't you see the truth yet?**_

"WHAT TRUTH?" Screamed Feliciano. "WHAT HAVE I DONE? ANSWER ME! WHAT HAVE I FELICIANO VARGAS DONE?"

_**Don't you know? You ran away... You can't run away.**_

"RUN AWAY FROM WHAT? WHAT HAVE I RUN AWAY FROM?"

_**Coward.**_

"Ve?"

_**Are you really that much of a coward? Don't you even remember? You ran away from everything... you're still running.**_

Feliciano pulled at his hair and felt like he was going to kill something. "WHAT? WHAT THE HELL AM I RUNNING AWAY FROM? WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHY AM I RUNNING? WHAT AM I RUNNING FROM?"

_**This.**_

Suddenly the room was flooded with light. Feliciano squinted and rubbed his eyes. Soon everything came into focus and he began to scream. The owner of the voice wasn't there but the whole room was covered in bodies... Hundreds of them... Their blood was thrown all around the room colouring the metal walls a bright red... Rats were chewing and gnawing away at the flesh.

_**A hideous monster killed them... If you need to know what creature killed them just look through the window next to you.**_

Feliciano looked next to him. There was indeed a window. Cautiously he crawled towards it. He looked into it and felt like he was going to be sick. It wasn't a window at all... It was a mirror. His face was covered in blood, none of which was his own, his hair was slicked back and matted from the amount of dried blood. He looked down at his hands and gasped in shock; his hands were covered in blood, so were his clothes and his weapon was next to him. An old buck knife. The whole thing was painted red in their blood. "This can't be happening..." He whispered. "I... I couldn't have... No I..."

_**Do you realize your sins now Feliciano? You are a beast that needs to be caged. A freak. A monster.**_

"No... I didn't do this." He whimpered. "This wasn't me... It couldn't have... I... I... I'm not a monster...

_**Yet here you are... Surrounded by the bodies of all the people you've killed over the span of your life... So many bodies... Don't you even feel the least bit guilty?**_

Feliciano began to cry. "But it wasn't me... I didn't... I didn't do it... I couldn't have... I'm not a monster... I didn't kill them.

_**You're a beast that must be caged. If not you will end up killing more innocent people. Can you live with that?**_

"SHUT UP!" Cried Feliciano. "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING! IT WASN'T ME!"

**XoXoXo this is a page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano's eyes snapped open and he practically jumped out of his bed. He landed on the floor with a thump. "A dream..." He muttered. "Just a dream..." He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and shivered. That dream was one of the scariest things he had ever seen in his life. He prayed that what he saw never really happened.

"Hey Feliciano are you okay?" Asked Ludwig who had just poked his head in the door.

Feliciano looked at him and gulped. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry..."

Ludwig shook his head and walked in. "It' fine Feliciano... I couldn't really sleep anyway... What happened to you?"

Feliciano fidgeted nervously. "Well... I had a nightmare... One where the voice showed me all these bodies and said I was the one who killed them all... But I'm not a monster... I don't kill people... The only time I would even think about it was when we were at war..."

Ludwig sighed and hugged Feliciano again. "Calm down Feliciano... Don't listen to it. Just remember it can't hurt you or do anything to you. It's just a voice. Ignore it and it will go away.

Feliciano sighed. "I know... I know... but it still scares me."

Ludwig pressed a kiss into Feliciano's hair. "Don't be scared. I'm here... I'll protect you. You never have to be afraid again."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Well that was that... Please Review!


	14. Chapter 14

**Shinigami-cat: **Well just saying this now... I make a hell of a lot of spelling mistakes but whatever. No one's perfect. Oh and some people have asked who Ludwig is... He's um... I made his new personality up... I OWN NOTHNG!

**Why**

Feliciano was all alone in Ludwig's house. He had decided to do sum dusting to take his mind off everything. While he was dusting he was listening to the radio and singing along. It was the song 'World so cold' by Three Days Grace.

_I never thought I'd feel this  
>Guilty and I'm broken down inside<br>Livin' with myself nothing but lies_

_I always thought I'd make it  
>But never knew I'd let it get so bad<br>Livin' with myself is all I have_

_I feel numb  
>I can't come to life<br>I feel like I'm frozen in time_

_Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away  
>Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away<br>Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days  
>Since you've gone away, you've gone away<em>

_Do you ever feel me?  
>Do you ever look deep down inside<br>Starin' at yourself, paralysed?_

_I feel numb  
>I can't come to life<br>I feel like I'm frozen in time_

_Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away  
>Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away<br>Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days  
>Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me<em>

_I'm too young to lose my soul  
>I'm too young to feel this old<br>So long, I'm left behind  
>I feel like I'm losing my mind<em>

_Do you ever feel me?  
>Do you ever look deep down inside<br>Starin' at your life, paralysed?_

_Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away  
>Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away<br>Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days  
>Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me<em>

_I'm too young  
>I'm too young<em>__

As the song ended Feliciano sighed. "Ve... nice song..." It was the song of his life. The whole world just seemed dead to him. No matter what he did. "But this is my life now... I have to make the best of it..."

_**So... I'm bored... Let's go outside and do something fun!**_

Feliciano rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just go outside and leave me alone."

_**Can't. Stuck in your head. I wanna go out and do something fun! Don't you wanna do something fun? Of course you do! Let's go outside! **_

"You seem to be in a better mood today. What happened to you trying to make me turn into a crying mess?"

_**Meh. I suffer from mood swings. Right now I wanna go outside and do something crazy! Let's jump off the roof! Jump off a bridge! Set something on fire! Steal a car! Rob a bank!**_

Feliciano sighed and shook his head. "No. I'm not doing any of that stuff... I'm dusting."

_**... You are no fun... Oh you missed some dust bunnies under the coffee table.**_

"Thanks." Said Feliciano. He got down on his knees and looked under the coffee table. Sure enough there were some dust bunnies under the table. He shrugged and crawled partially under it.

_**LOOK OUT!**_

Feliciano jumped and wacked the back of his head. "Ouch! What was that for?"

_**Nothing... Just wanted to see if it would work.**_

Feliciano sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "Thanks a lot... That really hurt. I bet I'm going to have a huge bruise on the back of my head now."

_**Maybe. Wonder if you got a brain haemorrhage! Internal bleeding! Interesting... You should see a doctor.**_

Feliciano shook his head. "No way. Stop talking to me. I'm not going outside. I'm going to keep cleaning."

_**Oh come on! Just for five minutes? Please?**_

"No." Said Feliciano sternly. "We are not going outside and that is final. We are staying here."

_**You have no life! Are you just going to keep cleaning in here for the rest of your life? You have to go outside sometime! What are you so afraid of?**_

Feliciano bit his lip. "If I go outside... another country might see me... and if they do... They'll take me away... I don't want that. I want to stay here with Ludwig."

_**Whatever... I'm just getting bored out of my mind here... It's boring here.**_

"Well just deal with it." Said Feliciano. He sat on the lounge and sighed. The voice had gone for now. He yawned and closed his eyes. He didn't really understand why he felt so tired he just did. He closed his eyes and began to nod off.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano was woken up to the sound of panicked voices. "Oh my God! What did you do to him da?"

"I did nothing!" Growled a German voice. "Oh God... There's so much blood!"

"This is all your fault! You did this to him!"

Feliciano slowly opened his eyes and frowned. The back of his head felt sticky and he could smell something metallic. Ivan and Ludwig were standing over him and arguing. Gilbert was in the corner cowering. Feliciano shrugged and closed his eyes. Suddenly a wave of panic swept over him and he jumped up. "IVAN!"

Ivan turned to Feliciano and looked at him wide eyed. "Feliciano you're all right." Feliciano gulped and quickly bolted out of the room. "Wait Feliciano! Where are you going?" Cried Ivan.

Feliciano ran into the attic and closed the door. He quickly pushed a box over the top of the door and prayed that Ivan couldn't get through. "Please don't let him take me away." He whimpered. "I... I can't take it." He ran his hands through his hair and froze. His hand was covered in blood; warm, sticky, bright red blood.

He took off his jacket and held back a scream. It was covered in blood. He shivered and ran his fingers over the back of his head where he hit his head and gulped. There was a cut where he hit the back of his head and it was bleeding badly.

"I... I cut myself pretty badly huh?" He whimpered.

Suddenly Ivan began to pound on the door to the attic. "Feliciano open up! We need to get you to a hospital!"

Feliciano shook his head. "No!" He cried. "If you take me to a hospital you'll take me away! I'll never see Ludwig again! I can't take it! I can't take it!"

_**So what did I miss? Oh boy... You screwed up really badly huh? So let' see... Ivan found out where you were... You looked like you were dead or some crap and now Ivan wants to kill Ludwig and take you as far away from here as possible? Let me know if I'm getting close.**_

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Feliciano. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP AND DIE!"

_**Oh! Getting testy now are we? Just keep on yelling I'm sure that they will give up and go eventually... After all you just said the word die. They might think you're suicidal now.**_

"I DON'T CARE!" Screamed Feliciano. "I'LL DIG YOU OUT IF I HAVE TO!" He ran over to a box and began to search for something... anything to dig out the voice inside himself.

He finally found a knife hidden right at the bottom of the box. He grabbed it and marched over to a mirror. He rubbed some of the grime off it and glared at it was clod eyes. He grabbed the knife and held it to his wrist. Suddenly the pounding on the attic door became more frantic. "Feliciano! Open up right now!"

"GO AWAY!" Screamed Feliciano. He pressed the knife against his wrist and looked into the mirror. "So... Where the hell are you hiding?"

_**In here! Come and get me!**_

Feliciano growled and dug the knife into his arm and screamed. "DAMN IT!" Blood squirted out of his arm and splattered the mirror.

_**Ouch! That looked like it hurt. But it didn't hurt me at all. Wanna try again?**_

"What's happening?" Cried Ludwig. "Open this door right now Feliciano!"

"NO!" Screamed Feliciano. "I can't until it's dead..."

_**Try your other arm. That might work.**_

"SHUT UP!" Feliciano screamed as he plunged the knife into his leg. He screamed and fell to the ground. The pain was so intense. "Just get out of my head..."

_**Why the hell would I leave now? This is getting interesting! Stab yourself again! Stab yourself in the guts! Bleed out! Watch it flow! Such a pretty colour isn't it?**_

Feliciano screamed in frustration. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU! JUST DIE ALREADY! GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST DIE!"

_**But it's just so much fun! I love watching you cry out in pain! It's such a nice sound. Has a very pretty ring to it...**_

Feliciano pulled the knife out of his leg and pressed the tip of the blade against his chest. "I hate you so much..." He growled. "I just want you to die."

_**Than do it! Hurry up and kill yourself! Quickly do it now! Hurry up! Before they break through!**_

Suddenly there was a loud crash and the box blocking the attic door flew across the room and Ivan and Ludwig burst in. "Feliciano!" Cried Ludwig. "Stop."

Feliciano plunged the knife deep into his chest. Feliciano tried his best to stop himself from screaming but failed horribly. He screamed to loudly he thought that he had torn his vocal cords. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slumped to the floor. He just wanted it all to end.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... I'll admit not one of my best chapters but whatever... Please review!


	15. Chapter 15

**Shinigami-cat:** Well... Here's the next chapter... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

_What happens when we dream?_

_Are we merely thinking of things that have happened to us while we were awake?_

_Is a dream no more than the assemblage of random memories, information and desires, collected and reordered in strange and unnatural ways? _

_Is it the mind's way of sorting itself out, of decompressing after a long day of work?_

_Or is it something more?_

_Can we ever say for certain where are dreams come from, or what meaning they may hold... if any? They can seem like gateways to fantastic worlds, or pits that we stumble down on our decent into nightmare._

_When we dream of falling are we falling emotionally? Is it a symbol of the sense we get during our waking life... of losing control over our destinies?_

_Are we falling in our dreams because it's a sensation, something to randomly dream about during a night of long, random and meaningless experiences?_

_Or are we falling for another reason?_

_Can dreams warn us of the future? Are they sometimes speaking to us through a language of symbols?_

_Unable to translate, do we just take their symbolism at face value, and assign it to something that has happened or is happening? Or could these symbols be telling us of something that has yet to happen?_

_Some people believe in prophetic dreams. Some do not._

_Dreams are persistently unstable, and unpredictable. Attempts to test so-called prophetic dreams are destined for failure._

_But sometimes, there is a feeling we get, even after we've woken up from a dream._

_And when that dream comes true in life we say, "I've been here before, but I don't remember why."_

_There's no telling when you might have a significant dream, nine hundred and ninety-seven times, you'll have strange yet purposeless ones._

_But then, there will be that thousandth dream. The one that will stay with you for days._

_It's trying to tell you something but you aren't listening._

_You don't speak its language of symbols._

_Maybe you fell in life, and that's why you fell in your dream. Or maybe you're going to fall. And you'll never know if you could ever have prevented it by listening to your dreams. Because no one ever listens to dreams. They just look up one day and say to themselves, "I've been here before."_

_But they don't remember why._

_Alice LeGrow_

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

The sand was soft between Feliciano's feet as he walked down the beach. The sea breeze was salty and cold. The sea spray softly flying from the rocks hitting his tanned skin. Seagulls squawked as they flew overhead. Feliciano looked at the beautiful scenery and frowned. "Ve? Where am I?"

He got no response so he continued to walk. As he walked further along the beach he began to hear the melodic song of a flute and a tin whistle. He followed the music until he saw a cliff stretching out over the sea. He could just make out the shape of two little boys standing near the edge of the cliff. Curious, Feliciano climbed up the sand dunes and up to the cliff.

As he approached the boys he noticed that they were wearing white robes and their hair was the same colour; light brown. Twins perhaps? Their backed faced Feliciano. "Hey!" Said Feliciano. "What are you two doing here? Where is here anyway?"

Suddenly the edge of the cliff began to break away and crumble, sending the boy playing the tin whistle tumbling over the edge. Yet he kept playing until the sea engulfed him and dragged him out into the ocean.

The boy playing the flute didn't stop playing. The flute was still pressed to his lips as he continued. Feliciano just gasped in shock. How could this boy be so calm and after seeing the other fall to his death?

Suddenly the smell of something thick and metallic filled Feliciano's nose he gasped at what he saw; Blood was starting to drip out of the end of the flute but still he kept playing.

Feliciano wanted to run over to the boy, but his feet were rooted to the ground. He wanted to scream, but his voice was gone. All he could do was watch in horror as the blood poured out of the flute. Soon the boy began to sway and he too fell off the cliff, still playing the flute as the sea swallowed him up.

Suddenly the ground beneath Feliciano's feet began to crumble and shatter and he fell... down... down... down into the blackness. '_This has to be a dream._' He thought. '_This can't be real... This can't be..._'

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

It was another word meeting and everyone was quieter than usual. Everyone had heard about Feliciano and his failed suicide attempt. But people were muttering and starting to spread rumours. "You know what I heard?" Whispered Lily. "I heard that Ludwig drugged Feliciano. That's why he went crazy."

"I heard Ludwig kidnapped him." Whispered Francis.

"I heard Ivan found him in Ludwig's attic." Whispered Tino. "I heard that he was chained to a wall like an animal and was holding the knife."

"I heard he went crazy." Said Kiku. "Because he thought that none of this was real."

Lovino began to sob. "I don't know who you are anymore... That's what he said right before he ran away... I... I don't know what's wrong with him..."

Gilbert sighed and looked over at Ludwig. He looked really pissed off about the whole thing. "Hey Ludwig." Whispered Gilbert. "Why don't you just tell everyone the truth? Why don't you just tell them that you and Feliciano are... dating?"

Ludwig shook his head. "Who would believe me? They all think we hate each other... Ivan won't even let me see him. He has guards set up in front of Feliciano's room."

Gilbert sighed. "But Ludwig... You have to see him. You know he wouldn't have done that to himself of his own free will. It was that voice in his head... He needs a doctor."

"I know." Said Ludwig. "He needs to be somewhere safe... Like a mental hospital."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

"Ve? Why is it so cold here?" Shivered Feliciano as he opened his eyes. It was pitch black. He couldn't even see the hand in front of his face. He felt like he was floating in the endless black sea. "Why is it so dark? Where am I?"

As he drifted through the black sea he came across a mirror. He reached out and touched the cold glass. The surface was warped and blurred. Yet somehow through the darkness he could see his reflection. Suddenly his reflection reached out through the glass and pulled him in.

The glass shattered as Feliciano fell forward. But he didn't scream. He just let it happen. Holding onto the hand of his mirror image as the fell down through the never ending blackness. It was an oddly calming sensation... Falling and never stopping... Gazing into the insane eyes of his reflection.

"Are you the voice?" He whispered.

The mirror image nodded and grinned showing it sharp, unnatural, needle like teeth. _**"Yes Feliciano. I'm the voice inside your head and you are the voice inside mine. We are one and the same."**_

Feliciano blinked. "What are you talking about? You're the voice inside my head... We only share a name and a face. We are not the same."

The mirror image chuckled darkly. _**"If you say so... But this isn't what it seems... You should have killed yourself...We should have met in the viewing room... Not in this endless sea of hell... See you soon Feliciano... And please call me Italy..."**_

Cracks began to spread across Italy's skin and he slowly began to brake and flake away... Until he completely shattered, sending thousands of tiny fragments flying in every direction. The pieces cut and tore Feliciano's skin but he didn't even flinch. He just continued to float aimlessly.

"Ve? So I'm not dead?"

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Lovino was sitting next to Feliciano in the hospital room. Bandages were wrapped in various places and wires were sticking out of his arms and chest. He rested his head in his hands and sighed. "What am I going to do with you fratello? You just... You keep doing this to yourself and I don't know why... Just why Feliciano? Tell me why. Tell me why..." He reached out and held his brothers hand. Tears started to fill his eyes. "Why did you do it? Please... please just tell me..."

"It's because he's not well..." Whispered Gilbert.

Lovino yelped and turned to see Gilbert standing in the corner. "You scared me... um... I'm sorry I don't remember..."

Gilbert sighed. "Gilbert... Prussia... I'm Ludwig's brother... I live in his basement."

Lovino nodded. "Oh... Sorry... What are you doing here?"

Gilbert sat next to Lovino and smiled half-heartedly. "Ivan won't let Ludwig see Feliciano." He said simply. "Ludwig wanted me to visit him for him."

Lovino bit his lip and looked back at Feliciano. "Did Ludwig do this to him?"

Gilbert shook his head. "No. Feliciano did this to himself. When Ivan stormed into the house Feliciano freaked out and ran into the attic..." Gilbert looked down at his feet. "Then we heard him screaming... He kept saying 'Shut up. Shut up and die. I'll dig you out if I have to. Get out of my head and just die.' He's mentally unstable."

Lovino felt like he was going to be sick. "He hears voices in his head?"

Gilbert shook his head. "Just one. I guess it must be really horrible if Feliciano tried to kill himself to get rid of it."

Lovino nodded. "But what was Feliciano doing at Ludwig's house anyway? I don't understand..."

Gilbert bit his lip. He knew he shouldn't say... but everyone was going to find out eventually right? "Lovino... After that world meeting in Italy a while ago... The one Feliciano didn't attend... He barged into our hotel room and demanded to see Ludwig... As soon as he saw Ludwig he burst into tears and broke down. He said he couldn't live with you or Ivan anymore. They when Ludwig said he could live with us... I don't think I've ever seen him happier."

Lovino couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What? How? Why? I... I don't understand..."

Gilbert smiled and patted Lovino on the back. "Well... I know it's hard to believe but Feliciano and Ludwig are in love."

Lovino's jaw dropped. "Say what?"

Gilbert nodded. "It's true. Even back before... you know..."

"But they hate each other." Said Lovino. "They can't be in love!"

Gilbert shrugged. "Well they are. You don't have to believe me but it's true."

Lovino looked back at Feliciano and sighed. "Oh Feliciano... what have you gotten yourself into?"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... hope you like that. Yes Feliciano is dreaming, just letting you know. I'm not sure what should happen next... Please help me? I would be very grateful. By the way my other story _The Psycho Children of Fever Lake _needs more love. It has a bunch of snapped characters in it ^_^


	16. Chapter 16

**Shinigami-cat: **In this version of reality Germany invaded Prussia and took over because of a food shortage... Shit happens... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Feliciano sighed as he traced pictures with his finger into the grey dirt. He didn't know how long he had been stuck here... but it didn't seem to matter to him anymore. The sky was a grey colour and everything seemed dead. There was nothing for him to live for... but nothing for him to die for either...

He sighed and looked up at the sky. It was just so strange... so unreal. He had already decided that he was probably in a coma again. He wondered if he could will himself to die. If he could he would welcome death. He didn't want to be stuck here anymore. He would rather be dead.

"Ve... There is nothing here... nothing at all... No way out..." He bit his lip and sighed. "There's no life here... just death... All those happy days... gone. Blown away by the wind... Nothing was really that happy now was it...? Back when I was with Ludwig and everything was normal... There were still those awful wars... Everyone's people suffered... And then... Everything went wrong... Was my life a lie?"

He picked up a handful of grey dirt and let it flow through his fingers. '_My life... was nothing more than an illusion..._'

He chuckled and laced his fingers over his chest. "I wish I had a flower... If I did this would be perfect. He closed his eyes and willed himself to die. Only time would tell if it was working.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Gilbert and Ludwig had timed everything perfectly. Through Gilbert's observations they were able to tell that the Russians guarding Feliciano rotated in shifts. If they were careful they could go in and see Feliciano. They had a two minute gap to sneak in and would have to wait three hours before they could sneak out again but they could do it.

As soon as the Russians moved so did Ludwig and Gilbert. They quickly and quietly snuck inside Feliciano's room and closed the door. Ludwig immediately went to Feliciano's side and held his hand. "Oh God Feliciano... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have left you alone..."

"You know it isn't your fault." Said Gilbert. "There is nothing you could have done."

"I could have stopped Ivan from coming into the house." Said Ludwig. "If I had done that Feliciano wouldn't have run into the attic and stabbed himself repeatedly... I wish... I wish things could have been different..."

Gilbert nodded. "I wish that too sometimes... Sometimes I wish things were back like they were before... Back when I was still a country and people knew who I was... back when there were wars... but they weren't so bloody and destructive... Back before you snapped and took over my country West."

Ludwig sighed. "I had no choice... my people were going to die if we didn't do anything."

"You could have just asked West." Said Gilbert. "But you were just following orders. I don't blame you... I know you had to... You thought it was the only way out."

"Is this going somewhere?" Asked Ludwig.

Gilbert nodded. "Feliciano feels the same way. He is so scared and confused about everything and he didn't reach out for help in time. He let the pressure get to him and now it's too late... or is it?"

Ludwig raised an eyebrow. "What are you on about?"

Gilbert smiled. "He just needs someone to help him... Hopefully when he wakes up you can help him."

Ludwig chuckled. "How can I? As soon as he's awake and allowed to leave Ivan's going to lock him up and throw away the key... I'll never see him again."

"Have faith." Said Gilbert. "You never know."

"I do know." Said Ludwig. He squeezed Feliciano's hand and sighed. "This is probably the last time I'll see Feliciano."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano frowned and looked at his hand. It just felt like someone had squeezed his hand. "Strange..." He muttered but he just shrugged off the feeling. He didn't really care about it. He just stood up and started to walk. Willing himself to die was boring and took too long. He may as well explore his dream world a bit more.

Soon he found a door... Just a door right in front of him. He shrugged and opened the door. Inside was a huge library. Feliciano walked inside and closed the door behind himself. There were hundreds of books and papers flying high above his head as they moved in between the giant bookshelves.

He walked around for a bit and had a look at the titles off the books. _'Me and Grandpa', 'Me and Fratello', 'My first car', 'My first World meeting'._

Feliciano frowned. It seemed like these were his memories of some sort. Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Maybe I can find out why I jumped in front of that train! But how can I?"

After walking around for a bit longer he found an old computer. He turned it on and was surprised that it was a directory of some kind. He could use it to find what he was looking for. He typed in train and about a thousand books piled up in front of him. '_Okay then... Maybe I should try looking try something else..._'

He found the filter and filtered out any book that had anything to do with wars, general trips Asia and Europe (_After all he jumped in front of a train in America_). He ended up with one book. It wasn't a very thick book. Just a few pages really... It was more like a comic book than an actual book. He sighed and flipped it open.

The pages were blank. "Ve? What is this?" Grumbled Feliciano. "There has to be something in here..." And he found something right on the last page. It was a picture of a silver ring with tiny sky blue gems encrusted into it making a thin blue line all the way around it.

Feliciano pouted. "What the hell does this have to do with trains?" He threw the book across the room walked off. This wasn't going to help him at all. He needed to wake up if he ever wanted find any answers. He wandered around until he saw an exit sign above a door. He sighed. "Okay... It can't be this easy..." He opened the door and stepped inside.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano's eyes snapped open and he blinked. He was back in a hospital room. He sighed and arched his back slightly. He heard a snap and he sighed. That felt good. "Ve... so it was that easy..."

"Feliciano?" Asked Ludwig. "You're awake!"

Feliciano looked over at Ludwig and smiled. "I guess so... I'm sorry about what I did... I kind of panicked a little."

Ludwig chuckled and held Feliciano's hand. "It's fine Feliciano. I'm just happy you're awake."

Feliciano sighed and shifted slightly in his bed. "So what happens now? Where am I going to go now?"

"I think Ivan is taking you." Said Gilbert. "I doubt he will let you be alone for a long time..."

Feliciano whimpered. "I don't want to go with him... I want to stay with Ludwig..."

"I'm sorry." Said Ludwig. "But I don't know what to do... There's nothing I can do..."

Feliciano sighed. "So... I don't get a say in anything huh? Maybe I should have just stayed dead... or at least in a coma... That was pretty close to dead..."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Sorry for the short chapter! I'll make it up in the next chapter I promise! Please review!


	17. Chapter 17

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... Next chapter... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Two days after Feliciano had woken up Ivan had taken him back to his house. Ivan locked him in a room where he couldn't escape. Feliciano hated it. It was no better than living in prison. He had nothing to do... He just sat on his bed all day and wished he was somewhere better.

Feliciano was sitting on the floor looking out at the cold winter's day. "Ve... All it ever does is snow..." He muttered. "Day in and day out it's all the same. It's never sunny always snowy..."

_**I agree. It's so boring... Let's just break out of here and go back to Ludwig.**_

Feliciano frowned. "Do you miss him too Italy?"

_**Not really, but his cooking was awesome and I kind of liked the smell... Smelt like burnt biscuits and dry pasta over there for some reason... Ask Ivan to give us biscuits.**_

"He doesn't take requests Italy." Said Feliciano. He rolled onto his stomach and sighed. "He'll probably just give us something icky like yesterday."

_**What the hell was he trying to feed us? Whatever the hell that was it looked like it was pre eaten. Gross... I can't believe you ate it!**_

Feliciano rolled his eyes and walked over to his bed. "That's all he was giving us... It's not like I could say no... I don't really want to starve myself... Ludwig wouldn't want that. He would want me to take care of myself."

_**... I want cookies woman.**_

"I'm not a woman... Do you know anything about a ring? It's silver and has blue diamonds around it."

_**Silver with blue diamonds? Um... Not sure... It sounds familiar but I can't remember... Maybe it was in a shop window? I don't know... Ask someone.**_

Feliciano chuckled darkly. "Who am I going to ask? No one can talk to me... The only one I can talk to is Ivan..." Tears began to form in the corners of his eyes. "I want to see Ludwig... I just..."

He curled up into a ball and whimpered. '_I... I hate this. I just want to go outside and see Ludwig again... I hate it! I hate it all._'

The door slowly creaked open and Ivan stuck his head inside. "Feliciano? I have your lunch." Feliciano didn't move from his spot on the bed. Ivan sighed, sat the bowl of soup on the floor and sat next to Feliciano. "Hey are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I want to see Ludwig." Said Feliciano.

"I can't let you see him." Said Ivan. "The last time you went there you got hurt. Who knows what would happen if you went there again?"

Feliciano sat up and glared at Ivan. "I hate you. I hate the way you look. I hate the way you dress. I hate how you act and even how you smell. I hate everything about you. I wish you would just leave me alone. I was happy until you came and took me away from Ludwig."

Ivan sighed. "You don't mean it Feliciano. I know you don't."

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Feliciano. He jumped up and grabbed Ivan by his scarf. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" By the time he had finished screaming tears were rolling freely down his face.

Ivan just smiled at Feliciano and gently pushed him back onto the mattress. "You just need to calm down da. When you have calmed down properly I'll let you out okay? This is for your own good." Ivan stood up and walked towards the door.

Feliciano screamed and jumped up off the bed. "NO! PLEASE DON'T LOCK ME AWAY AGAIN! PLEASE!" Ivan closed the door as Feliciano reached it. He pounded his fists against the door. "NO PLEASE! PLEASE! LET ME OUT... Please... I don't want to be here anymore... I... I don't..."

He rested his head against the door and slowly slid down it. His tears were hitting the floor. '_Please... I want to see him... I want to see him..._'

_**BASTARD!**_

"What?"

_**Son of a bitch only left bread! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? JUST WHY?**_

Feliciano sniffled and wiped away his tears. "Well... It could be worse... I mean at least we have a radio right?"

_**Well turn it on then! I demand entertainment!**_

Feliciano chuckled and walked over to the radio. He spent the better part of an hour tuning it in to something he liked. Eventually he found a station he liked. It was playing the song Much Like Falling by Flyleaf.

_When I said good morning  
>I was lying<br>I was truly thinking of  
>How I might quit waking up<em>

_He pointed out how selfish  
>It would be to kill myself<br>So I keep waking up_

_It feels so much like falling  
>Dying while I wait to die<br>The fear of something or nothing  
>Lonely empty lie<em>

_I don't want to be here, lying  
>I don't want to be selfish anymore<br>I want so much to change  
>Learning your love everyday<br>There's still so much to know_

_You grip my wrists  
>I let go<em>

_It feels so much like falling  
>Separated from the fear<br>Aware of a destination far away from here_

_It feels so much like falling  
>Separated from the fear<br>Aware of a destination far away from here  
>Far away from here<em>

_**... God you're emo.**_

"What?" Whined Feliciano. "It's a good song..."

_**Emo song. Dude it's all about suicide... E is for Emotional ruins everybody's life. M is for Miserable people. O is for on the dark side because we have some fresh cookies!**_

Feliciano shook his head as some more music started playing. "You are weird... Have any idea how to break out of here?"

_**... If you get a screwdriver you could open the window and jump out. Just make sure you land in the snow. Then you can run off to the nearest Italian embassy and get your ass back over to Italy. Then you can go back to living in Ludwig's attic. **_

Feliciano pouted. "I didn't live in his attic."

_**... Seriously? Okay I'm not saying anything...**_

"What?"

_**Seriously I'm not saying anything! But... you did kind of live in there for a while... kind of creepy.**_

Feliciano rolled his eyes and looked out the window. "Just shut up. It's not funny."

_**Who said I was being funny?**_

Feliciano shook his head and sighed. The sun had already set and it was now night time. He could see the stars shining in the sky and the silver gleam of the moon lighting up the snow. How long had he been out of it?

Slowly the door opened and Lovino poked his head inside. "Hey... Um fratello are you okay?"

Feliciano didn't even look at him he just nodded as he gazed out the window. "Hi Lovino... How are you? Do you have any pasta?"

Lovino walked further into the room and shook his head. "Um no... I don't have any pasta for you. How has it been?"

Feliciano chuckled darkly and ran his hand through his hair. "I've been locked up in here for... about a week or something. I've had no one to talk to but myself and I know I'm going crazy. I wish I had killed myself... I don't want to keep living here."

Lovino sighed and stood next to Feliciano. "Do you miss Ludwig?"

New tears formed in Feliciano's eyes and he cried. "I... I just want to see him." He sobbed. "I can't... I can't stay here... I don't want to... I want to see him..."

Lovino sighed and hugged his younger brother. Feliciano held onto the front of his shirt and cried into his shoulder. "You really aren't the Feliciano I know anymore are you?" He whispered.

"No." Whispered Feliciano. "I don't think I ever will be."

Lovino smiled and stroked his brother's hair. "That's okay Feli... Do you really love Ludwig?" Feliciano sniffled and nodded. "Okay then... Come with me." Lovino grabbed Feliciano's hand and dragged him out of the room and down the hall.

"Where are you taking me?" Asked Feliciano nervously.

Lovino sighed and dragged Feliciano out the back door and around to his car. "I'm taking you back to Ludwig... I just hope it's the right choice."

Feliciano couldn't believe his ears. "You're taking me to Ludwig? Thank you Lovino! Thank you!"

_**When we get there I want cookies.**_

"Oh shut up."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **... Please review?


	18. Chapter 18

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... my weeks been hectic. Xmas shopping and what not... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

The flight back to Germany was quiet... Well it was for Lovino. Feliciano still had to deal with Italy talking none stop about anything and everything that came to his mind.

_**I'm just saying it would make more sense if the people in horror movies didn't go towards the creepy noise. I mean come on! It's obvious that there's a monster/killer there so don't even go there.**_

'_Shut up. I don't care about horror movies... or weird diseases... or what you think is fun, seriously how is shooting someone fun?_'

_**Well I don't shoot virgins. After all how can you have fun shooting a guy who's never been laid?**_

'_... What? Didn't I say 'I'm a virgin I won't be any fun to shoot!' when I first met Ludwig?_'

_**Probably... Now time for Italy's theory of relativity!**_

'_What's that?_'

_**Anyone that's a relative of Italy doesn't have to worry! On a different note how pissed do you think Ivan's going to be when he finds out that you're gone? I think he's going to throw something out the window or set something on fire.**_

'_Oh boy..._'

_**Yep... maybe you should stay at a hotel for a while and lay low... really low... so freaking that it's now subterranean... even lower than that. How do you feel about moving to Kentucky?**_

'_Kentucky... Why don't I just move to Cuba?_'

_**Both good ideas. Let's move to Australia! I've always wanted to punch a crocodile in the face. In fact it's on my list. I call it; my list of things I want to punch in the face! Crocodiles are number 44. Right before Lions and right after the Hamburgler. **_

'_... You have a lot of anger issues._'

_**And your point is? Oh look we're here! The plane is landing! The plane is landing... excitement is over... Boredom is setting in... I still want my cookies...**_

'_NO COOKIES!_' Feliciano sighed and looked out a window. They were in deed landing. Lovino tapped Feliciano on the shoulder.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" He asked.

Feliciano nodded. "Yes... but I'm more worried about you. What will you do when Ivan finds out?"

Lovino shrugged. "I've already got a place to stay. Arthur is actually very nice once you get past all the emotionlessness. He's very kind and he makes good food."

Feliciano giggled. He never thought he'd see the day when Lovino would like Arthur's cooking. "That's nice Lovi... Thanks again for doing this for me."

Lovino nodded. "It's fine Feli... I haven't really been there for you when you needed me lately so... it's the least I could do. I just wish you had told me that you love Ludwig."

Feliciano shrugged. "Well... I still don't know why I didn't tell you, but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept that from you."

Lovino smiled. "Hey it's okay. I'm just glad I know the truth now."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

About an hour after landing in Germany they had arrived at Ludwig's house. Feliciano knocked on the door and waited patiently with Lovino. Soon the door opened and a very surprised Gilbert was looking at them. "Feliciano? What are you doing here? What happened?"

Feliciano smiled. "Lovino broke me out of Ivan's house and brought me here. Is Ludwig here?"

Gilbert shook his head. "Sorry. He's a work at the moment. But please come in. You too Lovino."

Lovino shook his head. "Sorry I have to catch a flight back to England. I'll see you all later okay?" Feliciano hugged Lovino as they said their goodbyes and parted ways. When Lovino was gone Gilbert and Feliciano went inside. Gilbert sat Feliciano down and sighed.

"So... What's going to happen now?" He asked.

Feliciano shrugged. "I guess I'll have to live in a hotel until Ivan stops looking for me. He really doesn't like the fact that I was here in the first place."

Gilbert nodded. "Hey if it wasn't too much trouble... why did you stab yourself?"

"Well..." Sighed Feliciano. "Italy just drove me over the edge..."

"Italy?" Asked Gilbert.

Feliciano nodded. "Yes. He doesn't seem to be too happy about the whole thing... he said he wanted me to die so we could meet in the viewing room I think... But I have no idea what he was talking about."

_**YOU NEVER DO GOD DAMN IT! **_

"Shut up Italy." Hissed Feliciano.

Gilbert nodded. "Okay then... Um Feliciano... Have you ever thought about getting help? I mean like going to a therapist or something?"

_**NO! NO THERAPIST! LET ME AT HIM! I'LL SCRATCH HIS EYES OUT! I'LL GIVE YOU AN UNFASHINABUL HAIR CUT! HOW DARE HE SUGGEST THAT! **__**ALBINO BASTARD'S GOING TO DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!**_

Feliciano sighed and shook his head. "I don't think Italy appreciates that idea that much..."

_**DAMN STRIGHT I DON'T!**_

Gilbert shrugged. "It was just a suggestion."

Feliciano nodded. "I know... But Italy gets pretty violent at times... I would rather we didn't talk about that kind of stuff..."

"I understand." Said Gilbert. "But what are we going to do about Ivan? He'll be searching for you again and when he finds you he'll lock you up and throw away the key."

_**Bring it bitches! I'll kick his ass from here all the way to China and back again!**_

The thought of anyone kicking Ivan amused Feliciano a lot. "True... But I don't know... it would take a lot of force to do that."

"Do what?" Asked Gilbert.

"Kick Ivan to China and back again." Said Feliciano with an amused smile on his face.

Gilbert didn't look too amused. "Okay then... Well Ludwig isn't due back for a while. Do you want anything to eat?"

_**Cookies bitch!**_

Feliciano rubbed his temples and sighed. "Cookies if you have them. Italy has been demanding them all day."

Gilbert nodded and walked into the kitchen leaving Feliciano alone with his own thoughts. '_Why do you want cookies so badly?_'

_**I have a sweet tooth. Got a problem with that?**_

'_No just wondering... Also why aren't you making me kill myself?_'

_**I'm on a cookie brake. Once I have my sweet treat I'm going right back to making you throw yourself off the nearest cliff or in front of the nearest car.**_

'_Thanks for the warning._'

_**Don't mention it. Actually... choke on the cookie. Come on do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.**_

'_... Yeah no._'

_**Please?**_

'_What is wrong with you? Have you lost it?_'

_**I am mad but North North West when the wind is Southerly.**_

'_...?_'

_**Hamlet you idiot. Look it up some time.**_

'_Isn't that an English play by Shakespeare?_'

_**Well done. Would you like a trophy?**_

'_Shut up..._'

_**NEVER! I REFUSE TO GIVE INTO YOUR DEMANDS... Oh! Cookies!**_

Feliciano looked up for a second and saw Gilbert walking back into the room with a jar off cookies and two cans of beer. He frowned. "I don't need a beer."

Gilbert shook his head. "They're both for me. I have no idea how I'm going to explain something like this to Ludwig... Oh boy this is going to be fun..."

Feliciano shrugged. "Well it's going to be interesting." He picked up a cookie and bit into it. "I still have to figure out where I'm going to live while Ivan is looking for me. I don't want to cause you guys any trouble."

Gilbert smiled and sighed. "Feliciano Vargas. You are trouble with a capital T. But I have to admit you're a surprisingly good influence on Ludwig. He hasn't attempted to throw me out of the house once this month. It's quite nice actually."

Feliciano nodded and took another bite. "Okay. I'm glad."

_**I want another cookie. Gimme! **_

Feliciano rolled his eyes. "Shut the hell up. You'll get what you're given. I might give you another cookie if you shut up for a little while. You're giving me such a head ach."

Gilbert smiled nervously. "Um you're just talking to Italy right?"

Feliciano nodded. "Yep... He won't stop bugging me about eating cookies and committing suicide."

Gilbert coughed up some of his beer. "What? Suicide?"

Feliciano nodded. "But he hasn't been that persistent. I think that we reached an understanding while we were stuck in that room."

_**That was only until we were free. It isn't fun being locked up in a room. I'm a free spirit I need to stretch my metaphorical wings and fly!**_

"Such an idiot..." Sighed Feliciano.

Gilbert just shrugged and opened his second beer. He decided that whenever Feliciano said something random he was talking to Italy. Suddenly the front door opened up and in walked Ludwig. "I'm back Gilbert. Wait Feliciano?"

Feliciano smiled and waved. "Ve hi Ludwig. I'm back and I-"

Feliciano's sentence was cut off when Ludwig hugged him. "Damn it Feliciano. Why are you here?" Feliciano melted into the hug and breathed in his sent. It had been too long.

"Lovino dropped me off here a few minutes ago." Said Feliciano happily. "I'm glad to be back."

_**Me too... I want more cookies.**_

"I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE FUCKING COOKIES LATER SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Screamed Feliciano. "Sorry... sorry... Italy's just pissing me off again. He just won't shut up. I think he's trying to make e fat or something."

Ludwig frowned. "Italy? You named the voice in your head Italy?"

Feliciano shook his head. "He named himself. But now that I'm here where am I going to stay? I mean Ivan will start hunting me down again."

Ludwig nodded knowingly. "I see... Well you can stay here tonight and search for a place to stay tomorrow... Gilbert why are you drinking."

Gilbert sighed and held up a can. "Just wiping my memory the old fashion way... I just want to forget this day... Hell this year never happened..."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... Please review?


	19. Chapter 19

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... Hope you like this... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

After that night Feliciano had found an apartment close to Ludwig's house. It wasn't ideal but it was better than nothing. Too bad Italy was being a whining bitch and not having any of it.

_**I hate this... I want to go back to Ludwig's house. He had knives and guns there.**_

Feliciano laughed darkly. "Yes he did... Do you think we'll be able to go back anytime soon?"

_**Did Gilbert say he would ring when and if we could come back?**_

"Maybe..." Said Feliciano. As if on cue he got text from Gilbert saying he could come over. Feliciano beamed and grabbed his coat before he ran out the door. The crisp German air stung his skin lightly but it felt so good.

In about ten minutes he had made it to Ludwig's house he opened the door and walked inside. What he saw shocked him. Gilbert standing in the lounge room wearing a pink apron, listening and singing along to his iPod with a feather duster in his hand. He was also wearing booty shorts, a black tank top and knee high boots. And the way he was swinging his hips. Damn he looked fine.

_**Rape. Now. Please.**_

'_WHAT? NO!_'

_**Joking damn it... But you know if you love me...**_

'_NO!_'

_**JOKING! I'm technically you so I prefer Ludwig... But dat ass looks mighty fine.**_

Feliciano shook his head. '_You shouldn't be thinking about him like that._'

_**I can and I will! Wait a second... THREE WAY!**_

'_NO! NO FREAKING WAY! STOP IT!_'

Gilbert turned to Feliciano and smiled. He turned off his iPod. "Hey Feliciano. Nice to see you... wait a minute..." He looked down at what he was wearing and went bright red. "Um... One second..." He turned and ran out of the room. He came back in wearing baggy jeans and a jumper.

_**... Can we still rape him?**_

'_NO!_'

_**Spoil sport. Now what am I meant to do with my ideas about riding crops and razor wire? Kinky...**_

Feliciano sighed and smiled at Prussia. "So... Where's Ludwig?"

Gilbert sighed and went back to cleaning. His face was still bright red. "He had to drop by work to get something but he'll be back soon. How are you?"

Feliciano shrugged. "Well... Italy has been talking none stop about wanting to stay here and just told me to rape you."

Gilbert's eyes went wide. "That's kind of why I changed clothes..."

Feliciano tilted his head in confusion. "Ve? Have I tried well... you know?"

Gilbert nodded his head. "Just once... But you were really, really drunk... And Ludwig did beat the shit out of you for it."

Feliciano nodded. He no longer felt the need to apologise for his previous actions anymore. He just accepted it. "Has Ivan called?"

Gilbert nodded. "He called this morning. Ludwig was yelling at him for hours. It was really scary. I thought he was going to kill something. I've never seen him so pissed in all my life... But it's okay now."

Suddenly an energetic blond burst through the door with a polar bear by his side. "The awesome me is here!" He proclaimed. "Now where are you Gilbert?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "In the lounge room with Feliciano."

Matthew looked into the lounge room and frowned. "I thought Ivan locked you up for good Feli."

"Lovino helped me escape." Said Feliciano.

Matthew nodded approvingly. "Good. Now Gilbert you're coming with me." Matthew threw Gilbert over his shoulder and marched to the door.

"What?" Cried Gilbert. "But I have cleaning to do!"

"Feliciano can handle it." Said Matthew. "Right Feliciano?"

The Italian nodded and smiled. "Ve you can count on me!"

"Just clean out Ludwig's study!" Cried Gilbert. "And don't answer the phone! And don't look in the-" Gilbert's last sentence was cut off by Matthew who slammed the door shut leaving Feliciano alone house.

_**Can we eat some cookies?**_

"I swear you're trying to give me diabetes!" Cried Feliciano as he walked to Ludwig's study.

_**Oh no. You have seen through my master plan. To kill you off slowly with the power of sugar. Darn it... But it would be quicker if you at hamburgers. Am I in trouble now?**_

"Yes." Muttered Feliciano. "Not only did you want to rape Gilbert but now you're being mean again. No cookies for you."

_**... !**_

"Well think about what you say next time." Huffed Feliciano.

_**Damn you are evil...**_

Feliciano rolled his eyes and walked into Ludwig's study. The whole place was pretty much spotless. There wasn't anything for him to do. He just dusted a little and ended up eating cookies while sitting in Ludwig's chair. "Are you happy now?" Muttered Feliciano

_**Very much so... Am I the only one who sees that bit of paper sticking out of one of the draw, compartment do dads?**_

Feliciano looked down and noticed it too. He frowned and pushed it back in, but the corner popped back out. He tried again but the same thing happened. After the fifth go he gave up. "I can't do it."

_**Well no shit Sherlock. Something must be stopping it. Just open up the damn drawer and move the damn thing out of the way!**_

Feliciano frowned. "I'm getting sick of your attitude."

_**And I'm tired of your lack of attitude! Hurry up and open it! I want more cookies!**_

Feliciano opened the drawer and frowned. Inside was a little blue velvet box. He cautiously picked it up and shook it. "What do you think it is?"

_**How the hell should I know?**_

Feliciano shrugged and opened the box. What he saw made his heart leap into his throat. Inside was a silver ring with tinny little blue stones encrusted into it to make a band all the way around. "Ve? What on earth?"

_**That my clueless friend is an engagement ring if I'm not mistaken... Wait what? **_

"But... this is the one that I saw in my dream." Said Feliciano. "Why does Ludwig have an engagement ring?" He picked it up and ran his fingers over it. He could feel the stones sticking up through the silver band. He had no idea why Ludwig had an engagement ring but for some reason he seemed to know had definitely seen this ring before, and held it... was it his?

"What are you doing here Feliciano?" Asked a gruff German voice.

Feliciano looked up at Ludwig and frowned. "Why do you have an engagement ring?"

Ludwig swore under his breath and walked over to Feliciano. "It doesn't matter. Give it back."

Reluctantly Feliciano gave Ludwig the ring. "But why do you have it? Were you engaged or did someone propose to you?" For some reason saying those words pissed him off.

_**GOD DAMN IT HE'S LYING! BEAT HIM WITH A STICK UNTIL HE TELLS THE TRUTH!**_

Ludwig sighed. "It doesn't matter Feliciano. Just drop the subject."

"LIRE!" Yelled Feliciano. "WHY DO YOU HAVE IT? WERE YOU ENGAGED OR SOMETHING WHILE I WAS IN A COMA? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"BECAUSE!" Yelled Ludwig. "I DIDN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE IT'S TOO COMPLICATED!"

Feliciano clenched his fists and began to shake with anger. "Who was she? Who did you fall in love with?"

"What?" Growled Ludwig. "You think that I've cheated on you? If you want to know where I got the ring so badly I'll tell you. You gave it to me."

Well Feliciano wasn't expecting that. "I what?"

Ludwig ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Yes... We met up in a park in America and you proposed to me. You said that I didn't have to answer straight away and you walked off. About an hour later you jumped in front of a train."

Feliciano tilted his head in confusion. "I what?" This didn't make sense to him. "Why would I try to kill myself after I proposed to you?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I don't know but you did... It kind of sucked."

Feliciano nodded. "But I thought countries could only be married because of alliances and stuff."

"That's what I told you at the time." Said Ludwig. "But you never were one for following rules. You really didn't see the problem in getting married."

_**... Well as interesting as this conversation is I want some cookies.**_

Feliciano rubbed his temples and shook his head. "But that makes no sense... Why would I do something like that then try to kill myself? It's just stupid. Damn this must have been eating you up... Why didn't you tell me?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I wasn't sure how you would react. I thought that if you were serious about it you would come back to me eventually and we could get married in secret."

"And if I never came back?" Asked Feliciano.

"Then I would never love again." He deadpanned.

Feliciano nodded. '_Damn it. This is so awkward._'

_**Did he say yes?**_

'_What?_'

_**Did he say yes? Does he. Ludwig. Want to marry you. Feliciano.**_

Feliciano looked at Ludwig with dead serious eyes. "What is your answer? Will you marry me?"

Ludwig walked over to Feliciano and tilted his chin up towards his face. "Yes." He said. "Of course I would marry you. Why the hell wouldn't I want to? I love you more than anything else in the world."

Feliciano smiled and nodded. "Okay... Wait does this mean we're engaged now?"

Ludwig chuckled. "I guess so." He walked towards the door. "Come on Feli, I'll walk you back to your apartment... Oh one second." Ludwig quickly walked back to his desk and pulled out another engagement ring identical to his and gave it to Feliciano. "I was one of the first people to visit you when you were first hospitalized and I found this on your bed side table. I'm guessing it's yours."

Feliciano smiled and put on the ring. "Ve... At least I know where I saw this before."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Feliciano and Ludwig walked back to Feliciano's apartment hand in hand. "Ve, so where are we going to live? Are we going to stay in your house or my house?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I guess we could always get another house... I don't mind living in Italy if you want. Anywhere would be nice as long as you're with me."

Feliciano could feel a blush coming on. "Ve..."

_**You two make me want to puke... But on another note am I the only one that caught a glimpse of the big nosed Russian in a scarf? Just me? Oh well...**_

Feliciano's eyes went wide and he kept his head down. '_What are you talking about? Are you trying to trick me?_'

_**Nope. I saw him in my peripheral vision. Might want to speed up a little before he notices you two.**_

Feliciano nodded and picked up the pace a little. Suddenly Feliciano felt a vice like grip grab his shoulder and pull him back. He yelped and looked up at Ivan.

_**Told you so.**_

"What are you doing here?" Hissed Ivan.

"Nothing!" Whimpered Feliciano.

Ivan looked at Ludwig (_Who was a little shocked that Ivan was standing there_). "You lied to me." He growled. "You said Feliciano wasn't at your house."

Ludwig growled and pulled Feliciano out of Ivan's hands. "Technically he was at a hotel. Not my house."

Ivan grabbed Feliciano's arm and tried to pull him back. "I suggest you let him go da. You don't want another war on your hands do you?"

Feliciano gulped and tried to pull himself out of the two stronger nations grip. Mainly because he felt like they were about to play tug of war with him. He quickly yanked his arm out of Ivan's grip and out of Ludwig's arms. Sadly he tripped and fell head first into oncoming traffic.

The last thing he saw were the headlights of a BMW. The last thing he heard was Italy.

_**Oh you have got to be kidding me.**_

_Crunch!_

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **DA DA DAAAAAA! Please review!


	20. Chapter 20

**Shinigami-cat: **Time for yet another flash back. Sorry it's so short... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

_Feliciano leaned against the railing on the bridge and pouted. 'Where the fuck is Ludwig? He should be here by now!' When it became apparent that the blond was taking his sweet time Feliciano became aggravated. There he was stuck in some stupid American park after one hell of a long meeting with the other bastards of the world. Right now all he wanted to do was talk to Ludwig._

_Soon he spotted the blond walking to the bridge where he was. He smirked and looked down at the water flowing under the bridge. He could see his reflection, and soon he could see Ludwig's. "Why did you want to meet here Feliciano?" He asked._

_Feliciano shrugged and looked at Ludwig. "No reason." _

"_Is there something wrong?" Asked Ludwig. "You've been acting really weird all week."_

_Feliciano raised an eyebrow. "Have I? I haven't noticed."_

"_That' just it." Sighed Ludwig. "You don't notice. You haven't been talking or even looking at me lately... Did I do something wrong?"_

_Feliciano chuckled. "Idiot. You haven't done anything wrong. I've just been reading up on history as of late... Specifically our history."_

_Ludwig raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"_

_Feliciano ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Well you see... Historically we've never gotten along. All the treaties and alliances we have with each other are hanging on by a thread. Our people have a serious love hate relationship. We can't seem to stand each other but we can't live without each other. Our bosses want a little to do with each other. They would never approve of us if they ever found out about us but I don't care... This is why what I'm going to do now is so painful."_

_Ludwig frowned. "Wait Feliciano what are you saying?"_

_Feliciano looked back down into the cold blue water and sighed. "Ludwig, no Germany... I can't be with you anymore. Not with how we are at the moment. I can't be your boyfriend anymore Germany."_

_A bitter silence filled the air. Ludwig leaned against the railing and looked down into the water. "So that's it? We're breaking up?" Feliciano rolled his eyes and pushed a blue velvet box across the railing towards Ludwig. Ludwig frowned and opened the box. Inside was a silver ring encrusted with blue diamonds. Ludwig's jaw dropped. "What is this?"_

"_I never said I wanted to break up." Whispered Feliciano. "All I said was I couldn't be your boyfriend anymore... I want to be your husband."_

_Ludwig just looked at the ring in awe. "Feliciano... I'm sorry but we can't. Our bosses-"_

"_Fuck them." Hissed Feliciano. "I don't care what they have to say. As far as I'm concerned they can go to hell. Who cares if our bosses and people hate each other? The point is I love you and I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. We don't choose who we fall in love with but I fell for you Ludwig. I fell hard!"_

_Ludwig was taken aback by such brutal honesty. "You must be serious. You haven't sworn once."_

_Feliciano nodded. "I am being serious. I love you and I want to marry you. I don't care if it's in secret so no one knows but I want to be with you."_

_Ludwig ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Feliciano... I don't-"_

"_Don't fucking answer me yet." Snapped Feliciano. "Think about it first." With that Feliciano kissed Ludwig and quickly walked off. He smirked to himself and walked away. He couldn't believe how cute Ludwig looked when he thought he was breaking up with him. He looked so depressed and a little confused. Hell he looked even more confused when he had walked off and left him to decide._

_He quickly exited the park and walked down the street to the train station. He wondered what the others would say if they found out. He began to giggle. Ivan would throw a fit for sure, Lovino would be confused as hell and his bosses would flip shit. Their reactions would be hilarious. _

_He bought a ticket from the station and quickly walked onto the train station. He leaned against the wall and sighed. "I wonder where the hell we're going to live?"_

_**PASTAAAAAAAA!**_

_Feliciano face palmed. "Shit not you again... I thought I got rid of you."_

_**Got to boil the pasta and make the sauce... No I'll make lasagne!**_

_Feliciano shook his head. "I don't care what the hell you cook. Damn I need to get some more meds or something..."_

_**Pasta! Pasta! Pasta! Ve!**_

_Feliciano clenched his fists. "Just shut up. I'll fucking get electroshock therapy to get rid of you damn it!"_

_**Ve, pasta! Pasta! Pasta! I'll make some meat sauce and some gelato!**_

_Feliciano shook his head and walked further down the platform. The stupid voice in his head was getting stronger again. It hadn't for several years but it was slowly creeping back, consuming him again. It wasn't a pleasant thought._

"_Damn it." He hissed. "I thought I got rid of it... I told Ivan I got rid of it. I even told Ludwig..." Suddenly his eyes went wide. "Oh no... What if he doesn't want me anymore because of it? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckety. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He ran his fingers through his hair and continued paced up and down the platform._

_As he was panicking some school kids ran past him. Feliciano quickly moved out of the way and over balanced falling onto the tracks. He slowly sat up and rubbed his throbbing head. Damn that hurt. When he got back up there he was going to get those kids and throw them in a hole, cover the hole in cement and dig them back up in a few hundred years and piss on their bones._

_The sudden sound of a train pressure brakes filled the air and a shiver shot up his spine. He turned his head and all the colour drained from his face. A train was speeding towards him and showing no signs of stopping any time soon. Feliciano curled up into a ball just as the train collided with him._

_Crunch!_

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **So... Please review?


	21. Chapter 21

**Shinigami-cat: **Well... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Feliciano groaned and rolled onto his back. He was surprised that he didn't feel as hurt as he should after being hit by a car. He slowly opened his eyes and frowned. It was night time and the stars were out, shining so brightly in the inky black sky. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He had a look at his surrounding; he was surrounded by glowing white sand and large crystal orbs.

He picked up one and had a look at it. He could see Francis but he was younger and wearing a school uniform. He put it down and pouted. This was weird. He stood up and began to walk. Soon he came across someone who was lying face down in the sand.

"Ve? Hello are you okay?" Asked Feliciano.

Suddenly the person jumped up and spun around. He looked like a mirror image of Feliciano. The copy grinned and Feliciano's bemused expression. "You took your sweet fucking time!" Said the copy. "I thought you would have died when you stabbed yourself but no you're stronger than I thought."

"Ve? Who are you?" Asked Feliciano.

"Seriously?" Asked the copy. "I'm Italy. You know the voice in your head? The one that appeared to you when you were in a coma and told you that you needed to be in the viewing room? That Italy."

Feliciano's eyes went wide. "You're the voice in my head!"

Italy rolled his eyes and walked away from Feliciano. "No shit and you know what? You've completely screwed up my life! What the hell is with all that?"

Feliciano frowned. "I screwed up your life? You screwed up mine!"

Italy picked up one of the orbs on the ground and threw it at Feliciano who caught it. "HOW THE FUCK DID I SCREW UP YOUR LIFE? I JUST ASKED LUDWIG TO MARRY ME! YOU WERE MAKING FUCKING PASTA! I JUST WANTED TO MARRY LUDWIG AND START A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE! I DIDN'T WANT TO BE STUCK HERE IN A FUCKING TIME WARP!"

Feliciano began to tremble. "I... I..."

"Didn't know?" Hissed Italy. "Seems like you don't know anything."

Feliciano looked down at the orb in his hands. "What are these things?"

Italy sighed and took the orb out of Feliciano's hands. "These are worlds. Every orb is a different world. In each one there is a version of us." He looked up at the stars and frowned. "Those stars up there aren't stars at all. They are more orbs... well potential orbs. Every world starts up there as a collective idea before it falls down and lands in the sand."

Feliciano looked up at the orbs in the sky. "So every world is different? Not one is the same?"

Italy shrugged. "Some of the ones I've looked at have similar themes. I mean lots of them talk about WWII. What the hell is that anyway?"

"It was a war that... oh never mind." Sighed Feliciano.

Italy scowled and flipped him the bird. "Shut the fuck up. You wouldn't believe all the crazy shit that we've involved in, in other worlds! In some of them we're chicks and even cats! What's up with that?"

Feliciano shrugged. "So what about my world where I'm from?"

Italy picked up another orb. There was a chip missing from it and it was glowing red. "This is your world. After what happened you were put on life support and you still are." Feliciano took the orb from Italy and looked into it. He could see himself hooked up to several machines and monitors. "Our physical bodies stay in our world, but out spirit leaves the body and finds another place."

"Like a ghost?" Asked Feliciano.

Italy shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Sure... whatever... Anyway when I got hit by the train my spirit fled my body and came here by mistake. How did you end up dying?"

Feliciano's eyes went wide. "I died?"

Italy nodded. "Yep. If you didn't die your spirit wouldn't have ended up in my world."

Feliciano shrugged. "I don't remember... How can I not remember dying?"

Italy shrugged. "Well whatever. You probably choked on some pasta or something. You really need to chew your food better."

"Okay... but why could I hear your voice in my head?"

Italy chuckled darkly and sat back down on the glowing sand. "You see that chip missing in your world orb thingy right?" Feliciano nodded. "Good. Well my world orb thingy is also missing a piece too. Here's my theory about what the hell happened; so when our orbs first fell out of the sky they clashed causing them both to crack slightly. This was probably about the time that we were brought into the world so to speak. That might be why we've been able to hear each other."

"Why did you want me to kill myself?" Asked Feliciano.

"So I could get you here." Said Italy. "It's the only way I could think of and it worked didn't it?"

Feliciano nodded. "Well yes... But how do we get back to our own worlds?"

Italy grinned. "Glad you asked that. What we need is the chip that's missing from each orb. I find my chip and put it back in my orb and you do the same to yours and everything goes back to normal and hopefully we won't hear each other anymore because our orbs would be repaired."

"How can you be so sure that will work?" Asked Feliciano.

"It has to!" Cried Italy. "If it doesn't... I'll... I'll never be able to speak to him again..."

Feliciano couldn't help but feel sorry for Italy. Underneath all the hate, anger, idioticness and pain they were still the same person. "Okay Italy." He said. "Let's try it."

Italy grinned. "Sweet! Okay then..." He pulled off his shirt and started to dig at a small lump just over his heart. He looked up at Feliciano's horrified expression and frowned. "What? Did I forget to mention that the broken orb chip thingy's are inside us? I did? Well you know now so get digging!"

Feliciano hesitantly took off his shirt and was surprised to see a small lump over his heart too. "Can't we use a knife or something?" He asked. "It looks painful!"

Italy chuckled darkly and smirked. "Does it look like there's a knife here? Hell there isn't even any food! You have no idea how much I want to eat garlic bread right now. Start digging."

Feliciano began to dig around the lump and bit his lip. It hurt so much. "It hurts!"

Italy stopped digging and sighed. Suddenly his eyes went wide and he looked up. "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Feliciano looked up expecting to see something when Italy tackled him to the ground.

"What are you doing?" Cried Feliciano.

"Oh shut up you wuss." Hissed Italy. "If I let you dig out that stupid chip we'll be here all freaking day! Just let me do it!"

"What are you going to-" Feliciano gasped and cried out in pain as Italy's teeth wrapped around the lump and bit. He pulled away and grinned. Feliciano's blood was dribbling down his chin and he had something shiny in between his teeth. He spat it into his hand and gave it to Feliciano.

"There. Now give me two seconds..." Italy dug his nails into his chest and pulled. There was a small ripping sound and Italy had his small chip too. "Now where the hell are the world orb thingy's?"

He quickly looked around and grabbed two red orbs. He looked into one of them and tossed the other to Feliciano. Feliciano ran his fingers across it until he found the part where it was cracked. "What do I do now?"

Italy rolled his eyes. "You put the chip back. Hopefully that will send us back... if not... we're going to have to get used to talking to ourselves."

Feliciano smiled and held the chip over the crack. "Okay. See you later Italy."

Italy laughed. "Hopefully not!" They pressed the chips into the red orbs and they were engulfed in a blinding bright light. Hopeful everything would turn out right this time.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey! Almost done! Please review!


	22. Chapter 22

**Shinigami-cat: **Okay people! Time for the last chapter... I OWN NOTHING!

**Why**

Feliciano practically jumped out of his hospital bed he pulled the tubes out of his throat and pulled them out of his arms. Suddenly several nurses burst in expecting the worst. Feliciano just smiled at them sweetly. "Hey um... could I possibly use the phone? I need to call some people."

They informed him that they would do that once they had finished running some tests first to make sure that he was alright. After what seemed like hours they said that they would call his brother. Feliciano nodded and sat on his bed and waited patiently. '_Ve... I hope this worked..._'

After a few minutes Lovino burst through the door. He just stood there in the doorway looking at Feliciano in disbelief. "Feliciano... I... I..." He ran over to Feliciano and hugged him. "Don't you fucking do shit like that again! You scared the shit out of me!"

Feliciano smiled and hugged back. '_Okay! I'm definitely in the right place. Lovi is swearing at me! Strange how I missed that..._'

Lovino pushed away and sighed. "Damn it... Why did you tell u something was wrong? Why did you leave it till it was almost too late?"

Feliciano frowned. "Ve? What are you talking about?"

Lovino scowled. "Don't tell me you got brain damage! Okay quick test. Who is potato bastard, tomato bastard and potato bastard number two?"

Feliciano laughed. "Ludwig AKA Germany, Antonio AKA Spain and Gilbert AKA Prussia."

Lovino nodded. "Okay... Well at least you aren't that screwy."

"Okay now I have a question for you Lovi." Said Feliciano. "What were WWI and WWII?"

Lovino frowned. "Idiot. If you can't remember that than you really have lost it. Do I have to get eyebrows to use some of his shitty magic to try and jog your memory?"

Feliciano shook his head. "No thanks Lovi. When you tried to get Francis to do that you ended up asleep and I ran over to Ludwig's house, but then he was really mean and threw a vase at me but it's okay because I just freaked him out."

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Right... I'm going to get a doctor to run a few more tests on you..."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

It had been a week since Feliciano was allowed to leave the hospital. He didn't really go outside that much but preferred to stay in his room. At the moment he was leaning out an open window looking up at the stars.

"Hey Italy." He whispered. "I figured out how I died. Turns out I had a brain tumour. I ended up coughing up blood and fainting right in the middle of a speech at a world meeting. I guess it was scary, but then again I don't remember much. How's everything going with Ludwig? Hope you're treating each other well. Do you ever look up at the stars and see orbs? I know I do."

The sudden knock at the door made Feliciano jump. He sighed and pulled himself away from the window to go and answer the door. He opened it up and was surprised to see Ludwig. "Hello Feliciano. Can I come in?"

Feliciano nodded. "Sure." He opened the door a little wider and let him inside. He led him to the lounge room and sat down. "So how are you Ludwig?"

Ludwig nodded. "I'm good... and you?"

Feliciano smiled. "I'm really good! Everything's gone back to normal... Well as normal as it can get."

Ludwig nodded and looked away. "Feliciano... Why didn't you tell anyone you had a tumour? We thought you really were dead."

Feliciano shrugged. "Sorry Ludwig. I don't remember ever being told I had a tumour... and considering what's happened to me over the past few months I don't think that's a big deal at the moment."

"What are you talking about?" Asked Ludwig.

Feliciano beamed and grabbed Ludwig's hand. "I need to show you something." He led Ludwig to the backyard and pointed up at the stars. "What do you see?"

Ludwig looked up at the stars and frowned. "I just see stars Feliciano."

Feliciano grinned. "I don't see stars. I see different worlds that haven't started to begin yet. Each one is as unique as the last and are completely different. They are special and at the same time all the same..."

Ludwig looked at Feliciano in confusion. "I don't get it."

Feliciano giggled. "That's okay. I guess it's a little hard to understand if you've never been there. I'm just glad Italy didn't come here, who knows what he would have done?"

"Um... what?"

"Never mind." Said Feliciano. "It isn't that important. I'm just happy that I'm back here with you... Out of everyone here I missed you the most. I prefer you like this rather than what you were back there... Not that you weren't nice there, you just scared me a lot in the beginning."

Ludwig sighed and nodded. "Okay Feli, whatever you say... But you realize I still don't understand you at all."

Feliciano shrugged and lied down on the grass so he was looking up at the stars. "Hey Ludwig... What would you do if you could meet a different you? One from a different reality? Underneath it all do you think that they would be the same as you?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I guess so... But why are you asking this? I don't understand."

Feliciano laughed airily and closed his eyes. "Then I guess it means you love me too." He rolled onto his side and began to snore.

Ludwig looked down at Feliciano with wide eyes. A blush spread across his face and he sat next to the sleeping Italian. "Strange..." He muttered. "You never cease to amaze me." He looked back up at the sky. A shooting star was flying by. Ludwig sighed. "I wish that no matter what world we are in that Feliciano and I will be together."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Meanwhile in a different world Italy was sitting under a tree as he looked up at the stars. He chuckled to himself. "Hey retard. I guess everything worked out alright. I ended up marrying Germany. It was a quiet ceremony. The only people that came were Prussia, Canada and Romano... Yes it was stupid but what the hell. They are family I guess... Then our bosses found out and told us to divorce but I told them to go fuck themselves because we weren't doing that at all. The next day there was a new treaty drawn up and now our countries are very powerful. Russia was a bit pissed but he got over it."

He looked over his shoulder and saw Ludwig walking over to him. The German sat down next to him and sighed. "What are you doing out here Feliciano?"

The Italian shrugged. "Nothing. Just thinking." He leaned against Ludwig's arm and closed his eyes. "Sorry about all the shit you had to go through because of me."

"It's fine." Said Ludwig. "I mean as long as we're together in the end isn't that all that matters?"

Feliciano yawned. "Probably..." He drifted off to sleep.

Ludwig chuckled and looked up at the stars. He saw a shooting star and smiled. "I wish that no matter what world we are in that Feliciano and I will be together."

As the night went on and it slowly turned to day Feliciano, no matter which world would wake up next to Ludwig.

**Thank you for reading**

**Shinigami-cat: **Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it! Please check out my other stories!


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